Dial Snake for Women Advice
by Twilight Okami
Summary: Some of the male Smashers are trying to tell they love someone, but they're not brave enough. So what do you do? Dial Snake, so that he can advice you for a lasting couple! But does his advices work or make things a ALOT worse? Reviewers suggest couples.
1. Chapter 1: PeachxMario

DIAL SNAKE FOR WOMEN ADVICE

Author's Note: Hello readers. This is just a story of people asking everyone's favourite mercenary for love advice. Wrote for fun :D I own nothing just the plot(s).

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><p>Chapter 1: PeachxMario<p>

As long a Mario could remember, he was always saving the Mushroom Kingdom from Bowser and others, which was brave for the red clad plumber that nearly everyone admired him. But the plumber couldn't do one simple thing. Tell Peach how he feels. It was stupid Mario admitted, but he wasn't always a person who hanged out with girls, nor speaking to them.

He sat down on a chair, sighed in sadness. His blue eyes glanced up and saw a familiar blond wearing a pink dress, talking to the brunet princess of Hyrule, Zelda. Peach turned to Mario, smiled and wave to him. The plumber gave a sly smile and waved back then sighed. When Peach and Zelda left to go shopping in Smashville, Wolf walked by and notices the sad plumber, who looked gloomily at the floor as if someone he lost died.

"What's with you plumber?" Wolf asked curiously as he bends down with his hands on his hips.

Mario made a squeak and looks up, his hands on his cheeks. "Oh, Wolf, it's nothing"

Wolf snorted, stands tall and crosses his arms. "Cut the crap; you look like someone died while falling off a cliff while screaming your-" Mario stared at him as if he were crazy. Wolf grunted. "You get the idea"

Mario looks down at the ground and sighs again. Seriously, he could be in the 'Guinness Book of Records' for the most sighs in a day! "I just... I just can't seem to-a tell that I love Peach! Every time I do I say something stupid!"

The grey humanoid wolf raises and eyebrow. "Like what?"

Mario blushes in embarrassment. "Like-a 'do you think you-a should change dresses?' or 'Do you love Wario?' and-" He finishes when Wolf gave his raspy laughs.

"Loves Wario? That's just too priceless! You should be a comedian than a weird hero" Wolf chortled then calms himself down.

Mario looked down in embarrassment only to have an arm around his shoulder. He glanced up like a meerkat and saw Wolf giving his toothy smile. "I can solve your problem"

Mario widens his eyes in shock. "Really? How can you-a do that?"

Wolf puts one of his hands into a pocket and gets out a grey card. Mario tries to get a look at it but one of Wolf's fingers was covering it.

"It's simple, plumber. All you got to do it call Snake, and he'll give you women advice that'll make you and your darling blond damsel a couple" Wolf explained and looked down at Mario's blue eyes.

'_Hmph! Snake would-a obviously be the women expert, considering he got beaten by-a Samus when she discovered that he reads Playboy' _"Does it work?" Mario asked curiously and solemnly.

The hybrid snorted. "Yeah, I mean it worked for me"

Mario raised an eyebrow. "You have a girlfriend? Who is she?"

Wolf stiffens at the question as if he was frozen on the spot and gulped.

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><p>"<em>Look, Amy Baby, I love you with all my heart, even as a couple we may not work" Wolf said softly and romantically holding the hands of Amy Winehouse.<em>

"_Oh Wolf! I love you too!" Amy Winehouse replied softly with her deep voice and gave the humanoid wolf a kiss._

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><p>"None of your business" Wolf said quickly and dangerously. He gave the card to Mario then stormed off as if someone has made him angry.<p>

The Italian plumber blinked a few times and then looked down at the grey card that Wolf gave to him. It had a phone number '12346', a picture of a smiling Snake down the right corner like an ID card and lastly a slogan on top saying 'Need advice on women? Get advice from the babe expert!' Mario smiled then narrowed his eyes determinably, and then dashed to his room. Getting the phone next to his bed, he dialled the numbers, and then put the phone to his ear.

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><p>Snake sat in a grey, five metre, rectangular room with only a few plastic desks, pictures of women on the walls. The mercenary sat on a spinning chair with a cigarette in his mouth, while talking to someone.<p>

"Just tell the girl she's hot, then you're done" Snake said while puffing on his cigar.

Suddenly one of the five phones rang, catching Snake a bit off guard. He lowered the other phone to the boot and picked up the other one.

"**Hello? This is Snake, women expert, making sure you and your babe last forever**" Snake explained, as he did a twirl in his chair, while putting his cigar in his mouth.

"**Oh, hello Snake**" Mario greeted uncertainly.

Snake did a double take. "**Mario? Well, what makes a guy like you call the women expert?**"

Mario sweated a bit in being nervous yet with anticipation. "**Uh... I would like you to-a advice me on how to-a say that I love Peach**" He explained clearly.

"**YES! I KNEW HE LIKED PEACH! WARIO OWNS ME TEN BUCKS!**" Snake shouted excitedly, hurting Mario's ears.

"**So... how do I-a do it?**" Mario began awkwardly, considering what happened to Snake.

Snake puffed on his cigar and leaned back on his chair. "**Ok, do EXACTLY as I say. First, you need to dress in a tuxedo**" The mercenary began slowly.

"**Yes**" Mario replied.

"**Then you got to find the princess, and tell her to come to your room; make it at night time**" Snake added quickly at the end.

Mario mimicked his answer before.

"**Once you're in, suck on your thumb, slowly and wiggle your eyebrows, if possible. Oh, and sit on the bed**" Snake finished.

Mario was confused. "**Why-a do I have to-a suck on my thumb?**" Mario asked awkwardly and curiously.

"**Just do it...**" Snake hung up.

Mario stared at the phone, shrugs and goes to find a tuxedo.

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><p>It was night time in the brawl mansion, yet Peach was talking with her friend Zelda about how the shop keeper was an ass hole. "He's such a monster! Wait till I get my hands on him!" She bellowed. Zelda nodded in agreement.<p>

Footsteps were heard, echoing on the floor, getting louder and louder as it approached. Peach and Zelda turned to see Mario in a tuxedo, with his brown hair nicely combed. She smiled and giggled, making the newly dressed plumber blush.

"My, Mario! What's with the tuxedo?" Peach asked keenly.

Mario gave a smile. "Ah, princess, could I-a talk to you in my room?"

Peach widens her eyes at this. Zelda notices what's going on, chuckles under her breath and walks away. Peach nods. "Ok"

Mario offers a hand and the princess gladly accepts.

Once the two were in, Mario sat on his bed looking at the princess in a romantic way.

"So, what is it you want Mario?" Peach demanded softly.

Mario starts sucking his thumb and wrinkling his eyebrows. Peach suddenly felt mad, considering she got the idea from Mario. She slaps the plumber hard, making him fall off the bed.

"PERVERT!" Peach screamed and started doing serious bashing at Mario.

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><p>In the morning, Snake was once again in his room, this time reading a Playboy book, giggling at the pictures. Before he could flick a page, the phone rang, and he reached it and put it to his ear.<p>

"**Hello? This is Snake, women expert, making sure you and your babe last forever**" Snake repeated.

Mario was growling at the phone. "**I-a like to make a complaint**"

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><p>Author's Note: So, what did you think? I hope you all find this humorous. It may not be 'drop dead laughing' but it'll make you giggle a bit. You reviewers can make requests about a couple (It can be ones you like or crack). I won't accept Yaoi or Yuri, because Snake is helpless at that but maybe in the future. XD!<p> 


	2. Chapter 2: SamusxLuigi

Author's Note: Wow, I can't believe I got a nice amount of reviews for one chapter, THANKS! Don't worry if your request isn't in the next chapter; I'll be sure to add the request in a few chapters, so don't despair, and read :D!

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><p>Chapter 2: SamusxLuigi<p>

Everyone in the Smash Mansion knows about the great bounty hunter, Samus Aran. Feared through the galaxy fighting of the hybrid, pterosaur-alien named Ridley, saving planets from the Phazon, but most of all, kicking Space Pirates asses. Samus' friends, Zelda, Peach, Pikachu and other rival called her 'fearless', but the blond hunter hate to admit, but she had one little fear. It was to tell that she loved Luigi; and if anyone teases her, she'll vaporise them with her Nova Cannon.

Her question was obviously, how she was going to confess to Luigi that she loves him? She could ask Mario or Peach, but she knew that Peach was a blabber mouth, so she didn't want to spread rumours. She sighed as she leaned against a pillar in sadness.

Wolf went by, wearing a shirt and holding roses, looking cautious. What was his hurry? She didn't bother asking.

Suddenly, an idea hit her head like a lightning bolt. Samus heard rumours about people calling Snake for women advice to make a long lasting couple.

The blond hunter snorted. Snake's been hitting on her since the Subspace Emissary. He tried to peak at her in the bathroom, only to be electrocuted by Pikachu in the groin; or that time when he tried to peek her in his room. He got busted, busted with her Seeker Missiles in five weak points of the body. She sighed, perhaps she should go ask a friend.

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><p>"So, does it work?" Samus demanded impatiently.<p>

She was in the Library where only Lucario, Dr. Mario, Sheik and Olimar went. It was huge library, with halls of shelves made of fine oak; the walls were made of pine and wear sharp making the room cubed. All other items were polished tables, chairs and a few bean-bags.

She was behind one section that some Smashers never went to called 'Nuns Life, Boys Life, Girls Life'. She sat on the chair looking at Pikachu who was on the table.

"_I'll admit I don't know,_" Pikachu replied with a shake of his head. Samus could only understand him, considering her Varia Suit understood alien language. "_Why not ask Mario or Peach? They're friends with Luigi_"

"I don't want rumours to spread around" Samus stated sharply.

Pikachu smirked. "_Oh, do my pointy ears deceive me, or is my friend, the great bounty hunter, Samus Aran afraid of people talking about her? Everyone will find out soon enough that you like Luigi, it's-_" He was suddenly cut off by being blasted off the table. He groaned.

Samus had her arm cannon pointed at the table, and then lowered it. "You will not spread a word about this, or I'll feed you to my good friend, Ridley" Samus said softly and acidly. She noticed the card and yanked it out of Pikachu's hand.

She then left with an actual shocked Pikachu on the floor. Gannondorf walked past the section, until he noticed steam at the shot Pikachu. He laughed at the sight.

"What happened to you, you little pest?" Gannondorf asked mockingly.

Pikachu didn't say anything but gave a sly smile. Samus Aran, she was an intriguing human.

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><p>Samus was out of her Varia Suit. She was in her room picking up the phone, waiting for a call. The hunter knew she'd regret it.<p>

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><p>Snake was doing prank calls to his evil twin brother, Liquid Snake. He chuckled under his breath.<p>

"**Liquid, I, your father Big Boss like to say, that you been a nutty boy and that I will give you a spanking**" Snake called.

He heard Liquid shiver at the spanking of his father, the legendary solider Big Boss. Suddenly another phone rang on the left. He sighed sadly, lowered the phone that he used, pushed his rolling chair to the ringing one and answered it.

"**Hello? This is Snake, women expert, making sure your babe last forever**" Snake stated humbly.

Samus rolled her eyes. Of course he was going to say something like that. "**Yeah, this is Samus Aran, obviously wanting advice**"

Snake flinched in excitement and smirked behind the phone. "**Oh, hello Sammy Baby, how you been?**" He asked flirtatiously.

"**I've been better**," She muttered loud enough for him to hear. "**I need advice**"

Snake chuckled rapturously. "**Well you came to the- wait a second... who's the person you're after?**" He asked cautiously.

Samus raised an eyebrow. "**Why? Well, I can tell that it's isn't you, mercenary clone, so give me some advice or I'll get Pikachu to electrocute you in the man's egg**" She threatened.

Snake shivered about the shower incident. "**Are you a lesbian?**"

The bounty hunter chocked on her own saliva. "**WHAT! NO, I AM NOT LESBIAN, I AM STRAIGHT!**" She screamed, making Snake fall off his chair.

The clone got up, still clutching the phone as if he were super glued to it. "**Well, to tell you the truth, I'm advising GUYS to get their girl, not the opposite**" He corrected softly.

"**Oh,**" Samus muttered and blushed in embarrassment. "**Just give me advice on a guy ok, so that I won't have to commit murder**"

Snake quivered as if he was in the coldest place in the world and sighed. "**Alright, so who's the guy?**"

"**L-Luigi**" Samus replied uncertainly.

Snake laughed hard at this, but was cut off by a growl. Suddenly the mercenary felt angered and sad. How could love that coward who must be a girl in disguise? He loved Samus, so it should be a happy ending for him! He hasn't got long to live, considering his virus.

"**Hey, Snake! Are you still with me?**" Samus demanded.

Snake then had an idea and smiled. "**Oh, sorry, my circuit was cut short. But I'll explain what you do, so listen to me**"

"**You're the expert...**" Samus agreed.

"**Ok, first, you don't wear that suit of yours, just wear a mini skirt and-**"

"**Wait, a mini skirt! Why would I want to wear it pervert!**" Samus yelled madly.

She heard Snake moan "**Ok, a 'regular' dress that sounds better?**" He asked.

Samus replied with a yes.

"**Then, take Luigi to a Smash Hotel in room 45, at night**" Snake continued.

"**Why that room?**"

"**It's... the most cleanliness one, the others are crap; I heard rumours that it's where all couples end happily**" Snake lied.

Samus didn't say anything, just waited for the clone to continue.

"**Put ACDC music,**" Samus was about to question him. "**Luigi's favourite**" Snake said.

"**Alright and finally?**" She asked.

"**Wait for the magic to happen**" Snake finished and hung up.

Samus eyed the phone suspiciously, but took the advice and waited for night.

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><p>It was 9.00pm, and Samus was heading down stairs to look for Luigi. She wore a find, glittering blue dress that Peach kindly and excitedly lend. She was ecstatic as if she went hyper on coffee. On the way down stairs, she asked Kirby, who was sneaking away from the kitchen, with food in his mouth, where Luigi was. Kirby pointed to the living room, which Samus nodded in respect and went there.<p>

She noticed Luigi sitting on the couch, reading a magazine on 'How to be Brave for Dummies' with his friend, Link reading 'How Awesome is a Hero?' book. Samus gave a deep breath and approached the two. Link looked up and noticed her and nudged Luigi who also looked up.

"H-hey, Luigi, can you come to the hotel with me in Smashville? I-I like to tell you something" The blond in the dress shuttered.

Luigi blinked his blue eyes, looks at Link who looks back, shrugs and gets up while lowering his book.

"O-okay" The Italian green dressed plumber nodded.

Samus gave a sly smile in relief and walked outside with Luigi following.

Samus walked with Luigi, not saying much, just being her mute self. Luigi looked at her and noticed the dress finally and said. "Nice dress"

"Thanks" Samus replied solemnly.

They walked through the streets that had Bomb-ombs blowing up, giving a display of fireworks, and a few Lakitu zooming by lighting the streets that some people walked on. The blond and raven head soon reached the 'Smashville Mansion', opened the door and went in. This hotel had a cosy feeling. The walls are made out of red wood, and the floor was oak.

Samus turned to the left to see a Koopa at a counter, polishing some glass cups. Samus smiled and approached, while Luigi stood there. She grabbed him by the arm, which he replied with a scandalized gasp. The Koopa looked up and gave a warm, welcoming smile.

"Oh, may I help you two?" He asked keenly.

Samus nodded slowly "Yes, I would like to take room 45" She said.

The Koopa raised his eyebrows. "Uh, ok," He paused. The turtle bends down and gets a key and gives it to the blond. "Second floor on the right"

Samus nodded and took Luigi by the hand.

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><p>Soon they reached the room. Samus opened the door and entered. This room was like the hotel, with a king size bed, an oak table with a boom box, and a bathroom next to it. Luigi frown for a sudden. How come they didn't need to pay? The blond hunter got out a disc from her pocket, and placed it in the boom box, that shrieked when it came out then back in. ACDC music started playing, the song called 'Train'. After that Samus kneeled at Luigi.<p>

"Uh, Luigi I need to tell you something" Samus began softly.

"Yes?" Luigi asked.

Samus took him by the hand. "Luigi, I-"

Suddenly out of nowhere, a group of Boos came in, screeching in delight and eagerness. Luigi screamed like a girl and started running around in circles. After that Lady Bow and King Boo came in, grinning at the two. Finally all Boos charged.

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><p>Luigi was mentally scared out of his socks, hiding in his room quivering. He defiantly wasn't going to talk to Samus in a LONG time.<p>

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><p>Snake was in his usual room, smoking, reading Playboys and making prank calls. When he heard the announcement by Master Hand that Luigi will be in his room, the clone laughed, nearly falling off his chair. He then placed his hands behind his head.<p>

"Snake, 1. Luigi, 0!" He chuckled.

Then out of the unexpected Samus slammed the door to the side, giving a glare behind her green visor. She was wearing her Varia Suit, and puffing in anger. Snake squeaked in fright.

"I... like... to... make... a... COMPLAINT!" Samus screamed and started charging her arm cannon.

Snake screamed in fright and waved his arms frantically. "Wait, Sammy Baby! I'm sorry for the show incident, the bedroom incident and Playboy incident, I-"

But Snake was shot in the groin by the arm cannon, laying on the floor whimpering like a helpless dog. Samus snorted and walked away, glancing over her shoulder. "That... Is my revenge"

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><p>Author's Note: Snake tries to win over Samus' heart, only to be brutally hurt XD. Samus did regret it. The suggestion was made by <em>MessengerofDreams<em>. Hope you enjoyed the first crack pairing.


	3. Chapter 3: LinkxZeldaxMarth

Author's Note: Not much to say only: Thank you reviewers and that this chapter features a love triangle! How will Snake go? I don't own a song that'll be mention.

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><p>Chapter 3: LinkxZeldaxMarth<p>

Link was well known hero of his country, Hyrule. The elf-like boy was only a teenager, but yet he did so many feats that he never ever imagined doing. Turning into a wolf, getting the Master Sword, meeting the princess, going to the city in the sky along with the Twilight Realm and beating the Prince of Darkness.

But known to him, and a few of his friends, there is a girl he loved. Zelda. Just looking at the Princess of Hyrule made his heart stop beating, and making his cheeks go pink. The hero was at the Trophy Room, gazing at the trophies. Oh, he tried to confess that he loved Zelda, but he couldn't seem to say the words out, which he found hilarious yet saddening.

The blond elf looked down at his reflection on the well polished floor. Suddenly a screen came down from the wall in the front, which made Link look up in wonder. The screen made a slight shriek, and then flashed to revile the huge white, telepathic hand, Master Hand.

"_Attention Smashers_," The gigantic hand boomed. "_We have a new commercial for you created by Snake, so I hope you'll pay good attention_"

Master Hand disappeared then the screen flashed again with a yellow background that had grey telephones flying by. This time, there was Snake sitting on a chair, smiling. After that a phone rang and he picked it up then started singing.

"_Hello, hello boys, I can't hear you winging_

_I have got no service, because I'm too cool_

_W-w-what did you say? You need some advice?_

_Happy, because I am your women expert_

_W-women expert, w-women expert_

_You know I can help, because I'm a women expert._

_Just listen, dial 123456 on your card_

_But no texing, because I'm 24/7_

_Help is always on the way (way)_

_Start calling, start calling_

_I will help you all the way_

_Make a long lasting couple_

_C-c-c-c-call the women expert_

_Call all the way; I'm here, so pick up the telephone"_

Once the music had ended, the screen vanished along with the screen that scrolled up. After that, Link had an idea.

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><p>Marth was a typical hero: brave, strong yet a bit of a pretty boy at times. He loved everything about himself, not to sound arrogant. He had everything... almost. The Fire Emblem prince wanted a fair princess to be his wife. And that princess is Zelda. Ike, a former solider found it hilarious that Marth liked the brunet girl, but Marth took it seriously, so he hit Ike in the head with the hilt of his sword, making him fall unconscious.<p>

How was a prince supposed to tell that he loved a princess? Marth found it shameful, consider he is a prince. Marth walked through the corridors of the second floor, then looked to the left and noticed the Smash room, quiet which was very rare.

Before he could walk away, a screen flashed up of Snake. Curious, Marth went in the room and sat on one of the chairs and watched. Snake started singing the first line which made Marth snort.

"Talk about sounding like a gay" Marth mumbled.

When Snake started singing three more lines, Marth thought he was an egotist until he heard the line with 'women expert'. When the clone sang the numbers, Marth quickly got a pen he found under the table and wrote on his palm. Once the song was over, he dashed as fast as he can to his room.

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><p>Link was in his room, dialling the last two numbers. He grew nervous. This was a medieval hero, so using a phone was new to him. Oh, and talking to Snake was new too.<p>

* * *

><p>Snake was humming his theme song from the commercial, while twirling around his wheelie chair and holding his cigar. Then the phone rang, and Snake picked it up.<p>

"**Hello, hello boy, I can't hear you winging**" Snake sang.

"**Uh, I'm not winging-**" Link said confused only to be cut off.

"**I have got no service, because I'm too cool**" Snake continued.

"**Does that even make sense?**" Link questioned.

"**W-w-what did you say? You need some service?**"

Link growled in impatience. "**Yes, I need service, so shut up and listen to me**"

"**WHAT THE F%^&$ DO YOU WANT? CAN'T YOU SEE I'M SINGING?**" Snake swore angrily.

Link fell off the chair with a scandalize scream. The hero helplessly got up and chuckled nervously.

"**Uh, Snake, I would like your advice on girls**" He began cautiously.

Snake did a double take and did an 'oh' in realization. "**This is Snake, women expert, making sure you and your babe last forever**" He greeted casually.

"**Uh, yeah,**" Link replied awkwardly, considering what happened before. "**Can you give me advice on how I can confess my love to Zelda?**" He questioned.

Snake leaned back on his chair, putting the cigar in his mouth and rubbing his temple with his free hand. "**Hmmm, Zel, huh? Well that should be pretty easy**"

"**Really?**" Link asked happily.

Snake nodded behind the phone. "**Yeah, so listen to me, Link, and listen with those big ears**"

"**I'll take that as a compliment**" Link replied glumly.

Snake smirked behind the phone. "**First of all, don't wear a tunic**" He began.

"**Uh, ok**" Link said uncertainly.

"**Then you need to drag Zelda to the Smash Garden near the oak on the top of the hill**" Snake continued simply.

"**But, where does the confessing come in?**" Link demanded curiously.

Snake sighed. "**Tsk, tsk, Link, Link, Link. A girl wants you to SHOW that you love them. Those three words of confession come in the very last moment**" He explained softly.

"**B-but I don't know about-**" Link shuttered.

"**Hey, I'm the women expert, so don't question me**" Snake dangerously said then hung up.

Link shivered in fright. This was going to be a day to remember.

* * *

><p>Marth now reached his room, dialling on the phone that he had never used. Beside the prank call on Kirby, saying that all food you eat will haunt you for life.<p>

Snake was humming his theme tune, while watching the 'Bad Romance' film clip, on the computer with interest. He grew excited in one part but heard the phone rang. With a sigh, he turned off the computer and reached for the phone.

"**This is Snake, women expert, making sure you and your babe last forever**" He mimicked in anger because he was watching the best part about the clip, until he shut down the computer.

"**Hey Snake, I saw your crappy commercial and I was wonder-**" Marth began slowly until he was cut off.

"**Whoa, whoa, whoa. Who said that MY commercial was crap? I like to see you do a better one, pretty boy, or I'll beat the absolute crap out of you in the Brawl!**" Snake bellowed madly, clearly offended.

Marth snorted, about to make a remark, but he remembered about Zelda as if a movie was being played. "**I hear you can help people make a long lasting couple**"

Snake played with the cords of the phone. "**Yeah, I can, and your point?**" He demanded impatiently.

Marth took a gulp and started quickly. "**How can I confess to Zelda?**"

"**Z-Zelda!**" Snake retorted, nearly falling off his chair in shock.

This was problem. Link loves Zelda, yet pretty boy loves her too. Snake was never an expert on love triangles; he never was even prepared for something like this to happen. Then an idea hit him like lightning. Why not have a bit of fun with those two. Unlike his other incident, they'll never know it was Snake. Typical guys fighting for a guy! What sheer brilliance!

"**...Snake, SNAKE! Are you still calling? Or did my offense make you cry too much?**" Marth mocked, smirking behind the phone.

Snake snorted at the call. "**You want me to help you or not?**"

"**Y-yes, just don't hang up**" Marth declared nervously.

Snake snickered. "**Ok, first you got to be shirtless, just to show your so called 'manly self', then drag Zelda to the Smash Garden on the hill with the oak**" He explained easily.

"**Might you explain why I have to be shirtless, drag someone I love and go to a hill?**" Marth asked curiously.

"**I say you'd hurry up**" Snake said.

"**Why?**" Marth demanded.

Snake chuckled on the phone. "**You'll see...**" He hung up.

Marth tried to call Snake on the phone, but he didn't take his chance and got ready for his confession.

* * *

><p>Link was shirtless, jogging through down the stairs to find Zelda. Yoshi eyed him weirdly as he jogged down the stairs, but he shrugged and walked away. Link then jogged left to the Lounge Room; he heard from Game and Watch that they should be in that room, talking about clothes and stuff. Sonic was walking out the mansion and saw Link jog by him.<p>

Sonic raised an eyebrow and scratched behind his ear in confusion. Link saw Zelda talking with her friend Peach, and even with young Toon Link, Link long lost cousin. Peach noticed on the corner of her eye, tapped Zelda's shoulder and pointed over her shoulder. Zelda glanced back like a deer and gave a scandalize gasp and blushed a shade of pink. It wasn't every day you saw a shirtless guy.

"Link, what is the meaning of this?" Zelda asked awkwardly.

Link grasped Zelda's arm like a spear, and dragged her off the chair. "No time to explain; you need to come with me to the Smash Garden" He said quickly and dragged Zelda like a dog by the collar.

Peach and Toon Link looked at each other and shrugged, then went back to talking.

* * *

><p>Marth was running down stairs (obviously shirtless) and noticed a shocked and confused Yoshi near the bars. He went left and noticed Sonic eying him, but chortled.<p>

"What is this? An all for one 'Strip Your Shirt Off' day?" Sonic joked.

Marth was in the lounge, glancing around, only seeing a confused Peach and Toon Link. He cursed then jogged out the room. Peach looked at Toon Link.

"Is this natural for those two to come here shirtless?" Peach asked.

Toon Link shook his head. "Don't know about Marth, but Link, defiantly not"

Peach nodded in agreement then sighed. "Those two have issues"

* * *

><p>Link took Zelda to the hill with the oak as Snake had told him to. Zelda glanced around like a meerkat, clearly not getting what Link wanted. Link looks around then turns to Zelda.<p>

"Look, uh, you must be thinking that I am being weird right?" Link began awkwardly, rubbing the back of his head.

Zelda nodded. "I think you had a hangover!"

The Hero of Light winces in sadness. "There is a good reason for this," He paused and gazed into her grey eyes. "Zelda, I-"

"Zelda, my precious!" Marth called finally reaching the hill.

Link looked back and growled then walked up to Marth who's shirtless, and poked him in the chest. Zelda was thinking '_Two shirtless guys? What in the name of the three goddesses is going on?'_

"What do you mean 'my precious' Marth?" Link dangerously asked.

Marth glared at him. "Well, let me rephrase that my good friend Link. My BELOVED Zelda" He mocked.

Link was shocked at this that his eyes widen in shock. "Y-you mean you like-"

Marth chuckled jubilantly. "Yeah, I love the- wait a second..." He paused and shouted. "YOU LOVE ZELDA TOO?"

Zelda was frozen on the spot what the two confessed. Link nodded then growled. "Well, she's mine!" Then he punched him in the jaw.

Marth fell to the ground, coughing a bit of blood. He did a push up then kicked Link in the torso. The hero did a grunt in pain. He looked in the corner of his eye a broken branch. With a somersault, he got the branch, did a warrior cry and swing it at Marth. Marth barley ducked the blow and did an upper cut at Link's chest.

Link backed away slightly and charged again. Marth ducked the blow that came to him, but Link kicked the hero backwards in the torso. Marth growled, only to be hit in the temple by the branch, falling to the ground. He glared at Link like a monster, blood trickling down his mouth. The prince got up, grabbed the branch and threw it away, and then did a side kick at Link's hip. Link fell down and got up. Both heroes glared at each other.

"Let's end this!" They both said and charged.

As they did their warrior screams they both kicked each other in the... uncomfortable parts. They groaned in agony as if they were burning and collapsed on the floor. Zelda turned her head to Marth then to Link then gave a sigh, her hands on her hips.

"Might as well take the two of you to Dr. Mario" She muttered sadly yet madly.

* * *

><p>Dr. Mario, cousin of Mario, looked at Marth and Link who were now in separate medical beds. The doctor looked down on his wooden board, holding a pen. Zelda was eyeing the doctor all the time as he scans the paper like a computer finding a virus.<p>

"So, let me-a get this straight. The two are both in-a love with you and were-a fighting each other and-a got kicked in the groin?" Dr. Mario asked, still having his eyes on the board.

Zelda nodded. "Yes"

Dr. Mario sighed. "It is-a usually Snake who-a gets here. I seriously need-a to get paid"

Zelda raised an eyebrow in wonder, thinking what the doctor said.

* * *

><p>Snake had actually spied outside to see Link and Marth, and then he returned to his room chortling in amusement.<p>

"About time I wasn't in the Medical Room" Snake happily said.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: And Snake hadn't had a complaint! This chapter was requested by <em>AcolyteOfAzura. <em>Hope you loved the first love triangle XD!


	4. Chapter 4: SlyxCarmelita

Author's Note: Thanks again for reviewing! This chapter is based on two people who aren't in Brawl. So, let me be specific to others reading. I'll ONLY accept people from the _Super Smash Bros_ series. Still, I'll accept this one, because I like it and the fellow author wants me to :D! I don't own Sly Cooper. I apologise for not being specific -_-!

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><p>Chapter 4: SlyxCarmelita<p>

Sly Cooper is the master thief. In fact, his whole family were once the master thieves passed through the generations. The racoon was behind a wall outside the Smash Mansion, side walking on the second floor. His mission was to steal a Mario trophy, valued to be priceless. He glanced through the glass, to see a whole room filled with trophies from human size to the room size.

Sly whistled in amazement; he was going to be rich! With a swift of his hand, he got out a staff, and then used it on the edge of the window, to open it like you would do to the front of the car. A click was heard and the window opened ajar. Sly chuckled happily and entered the room. In a flash, like an arrow, he hid behind the Funky Kong trophy. With a glance over the statue's shoulder, he saw no one.

'_That was easier than I expected_' Sly thought a bit suspiciously but happily.

Sly knew he couldn't take all these trophies. It wouldn't be able to fit in the base, not even half! So he decided to take the one trophy he was looking for: Mario. He quickly began his pace, crouching just in case anyone would come in. Finding a specific trophy was like finding a needle in a hay stack. Growling in frustration, he climbed up a trophy, the Metal Gear RAY, and put his hand on his head, glancing around like a guard. As his eyes turn left, he froze like a statue.

There, a few metres away is the Mario Trophy! With a snort in satisfaction, he leaped on the heads of the trophies, and then finally reached the Mario one. He grinned. When he was about to take the trophy, a commercial came in. Sly turned with raised eyebrows at the screen. He saw a man reaching a telephone, singing a song that Sly made at first, think he was gay but until the song finished he had a pang in his chest.

Carmelita, he has never confessed to her over the journeys they sort-of shared. It was unusual for a thief to love a cop; it didn't even seem to work. But there was that old saying; opposites attract. The racoon looked at the Mario Trophy, then sighed in sadness and leaped out the room. The trophy must stay just for a little bit, after he confesses his love for Carmelita.

* * *

><p>Sly went to the nearest room number, opened the door ajar and peered through the opening. No one was in. This was by far his luckiest day as a thief yet! The racoon entered cautiously, crouching while glancing around the surrounding. Through the corner of his eye, he noticed a phone. With a laugh of joy, he leaped onto the bed, then started dialling and waited for the call.<p>

* * *

><p>Snake was watching in boredom at the well known soap opera <em>Neighbours<em>. The mercenary sighed; he hasn't gotten a call in two days! Suddenly the phone rang, making Snake grunt in surprise. He switched off the TV then his arm extended, and he put the phone to his ear.

"**Hello? This is Snake, women expert, making sure you and your babe last forever**" Snake said glumly; that line was getting old.

'_So his name is Snake_' Sly thought. "**Hello there Mr. Snake, I watched your commercial and I need some advice**"

"**Well, it's about time some- wait a darn minute. Who are you? I defiantly don't recognize your voice; and no one calls me Mr. Snake, not even the big hand himself**" Snake demanded suspiciously.

Sly winced; he was busted. No point in lying. "**Can't lie to you. My names Sly, Sly Cooper, a professional thief; I'm pretty sure you heard of me**" The racoon introduced humbly.

Snake leaned on his chair casually. "**Never heard of you. But listen, Sly, I ONLY help Smashers, you know, the ones competing in this mansion**" He explained.

"**But I am in the mansion**" Sly said. He was trying to be smart with this man.

Snake rolled his eyes behind the phone. Guys like these will do anything to convince someone. "**Let me rephrase that. I mean the ones COMPETING in the Super Smash Bros series may call me**"

Sly Cooper wasn't going to be beaten by a reason, so he decided to bribe. "**Tell you what. I'll give you $200 dollars, in pure cash if I get your advice**"

Snake's eyes lit up in excitement. "**Deal; but you have to promise**"

"**Promise**" Sly said smirking. Greed was a wonderful thing, if it were your enemies.

Snake leaned back on his chair. "**Ok, Sly, what kind of girl is the one you like?**" He asked.

"**I'm in love with a cop named Carmelita, a humanoid fox**" The racoon replied simply, not uncertain.

Snake did a double take. "**A cop? How does that work if you're a thief?**" He asked uncertainly.

Sly Cooper just shrugged. "**Have you heard that saying, Snake?**"

The mercenary sighed. "**Yeah, yeah, opposites attract. Hmmm... Let me just think this through**"

"**Not to be of a rush, but can you make it quick?**" Sly replied.

Solid Snake thought this through. A thief and a cop that was tough one. Snake got out a cigar, lit it and put it to his mouth. How was he going to advice this guy? An idea hit Snake, which made him gasp, but smiled. Perhaps he can make the guy become loyal to the girl, so that she thinks that this Sly gives up being a thief, and finally Snake will get the $200 dollars or maybe a $1000, considering he may quit being a thief and lend everything to Snake. He'd be rich!

"**Ok, I got an idea that will work**" Snake declared.

"**Alright Snake, I'm listening**" Sly nodded.

"**First of all, dress casual, like normal guys do when walking around the neighbourhood, secondly, get a bunch of flowers, I don't care which ones, and then kneel to her**" Snake explained.

'_Sounds simple... but still, she IS a cop_' Sly thought uncertainly.

"**Will this work? After all, she IS a cop and I'M the thief, so I don't want to be caught in custody**" Sly asked stressfully.

Snake made a snort. "**Sly, I assure you that it IS going to work. I mean, come on, it's not like you're going to steal her money**" He was about to hung up until Sly interrupted.

"**By the way, your commercial makes you sound gay and egotist**" Sly explained then heard the phone beep.

Sly Cooper stared at the phone for a few seconds then shrugs and leaves... along with his precious Mario Trophy.

* * *

><p>"Certainly not" Turtle friend to Sly, Bentley said with a tone that marked he was serious.<p>

Sly and Bentley are in their van, talking about Sly's idea to go on the date with Carmelita. The racoon sighed.

"Look Bentley, you are the genius, but this is a once-in-a-life time chance that I can confess that I love Carmelita" Sly Cooper replied desperately.

The turtle simply crossed his arms and snorted. "No, and that's my final answer, Sly"

Sly grumbled something as Bentley walked away to his computer. The racoon noticed on the corner of his eye his staff. Sly bent down slowly, got the staff, sneaked up to Bentley then hit him hard with the staff, making the turtle fall unconscious.

"Sorry my friend" Sly sighed, then went to the closet, got dressed into a blue shirt and black jeans and walked away.

Murray came in and saw Bentley, his head on the table. The hippopotamus laughed at the sight.

"You worked too hard Bentley" He commented. He never knew that the turtle was knocked unconscious.

Sly sneaked behind a florist shop, knocked on the door to get the attention of the owner, then sneak through a window and steal a bunch of roses, and left without a trace. The racoon thought that Carmelita had a day off from her police job and that she usually headed to the park. With a grin, he skipped happily to find the fox.

Carmelita Fox was sitting next to the lake, just gazing in boredom. She sighed. What she wanted to do is find that thief, Sly Cooper and-

"Hello Carmelita" A flirtatious voice too-familiar greeted.

Carmelita turned to Sly Cooper with a scandalized gasp, and then got off the bench and glared at him.

'_That was fast_" She thought suspiciously. "What are you doing here thief? Come to steal my wallet? How predictable"

Sly shrugged and smiled. "I'm not here to steal but to give you these" He said and brought out the roses.

Carmelita eyed them suspiciously. "How do I know it won't squirt water or poison at me?"

"Because I wouldn't buy those for a pretty lady" Sly replied happily.

"Yes" Carmelita said awkwardly.

Then the racoon kneels to the fox and held the flowers high.

"Carmelita Fox, I have to tell you that I l-"

A clanking noise was heard and Sly looked up to see that the cop had put hand cuffs on him. She smirked happily.

"Sly Cooper, you are under arrest for stealing and trying to murder me" She explained humbly.

She then lifted Sly up and held his hand behind his back and started walking.

"I wasn't trying to murder you" Sly protested.

"Really? You're not good in lying racoon" Carmelita stated sceptically.

Sly sighed and dug into the back of his pocket and threw a smoke bomb to the earth. He heard the fox let go and cough, and then Sly slipped his wrists through the cuffs then left the area.

"I always loved you Carmelita!" He called, but his voice died out.

* * *

><p>Snake recently had a Brawl with Meta Knight, who beaten him with the Smash Ball. The mercenary walked through the corridors and then turn to a door, opened it and entered with a grin. As he entered a scandalized gasp came from his mouth. All his women posters and his entire secretly stored Playboy book were gone! Snake panicked and looked around and saw a card that had a racoon head on it.<p>

"It was that guy!" Snake growled madly.

Then in the corner of his eye, he saw a store of money in the top right corner. His mouth hung in awe and he shrieked like a kid at Christmas.

"Ok, maybe I can thank him!"

Before he could reach the money, a knock was heard on the door. Snake turned to the see the door slam open, making him squeak in surprise. In the door way is a floating, giant, white hand that looked at Snake. It was the leader of the tournament, Master Hand.

"_Solid Snake, might you explain why you stole my money to improve the competition!_" Master Hand demanded through his mind madly and venomously.

With a scream from Snake, Master Hand started to abuse him with ultimate slaps and punches.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Requested by a good fellow author, <em>Onyx MunchKatt. <em>To answer a question to an author; yes, you all can use Assist Trophies from the Super Smash Bros series and the Smashers from Melee too. Hope you enjoyed; it may had just given you guys a nice chuckle :D!


	5. Chapter 5: JigglypuffxGanondorf

Author's Note: Only one review for a chapter? DX, oh well, I guess everyone ended their holidays (depending on country). Hope you'll like this chapter, and review :D!

* * *

><p>Chapter 5: JigglypuffxGanondorf<p>

Everyone in the Smash Mansion knows about the great Prince of Darkness, Ganondorf. Most of the Smashers fear him (Especially Lucas and Kirby) and others were cautious about the Gerudo's dark, powers. The warlord walked through the corridors, keeping a solemn and sombre look as he passed some Smashers. Ganondorf wanted a rematch with Link.

After all, Ganondorf lost to Link, and nearly died at his feet, but not this time, oh no, he'll kill the Hylian hero. Before Ganondorf could head to the Brawl Room, where he was expecting the Hero of Light, a door slammed into him, making him grunt in surprise and pain.

Bowser emerged through the door, with a very pissed off look. He glanced down and noticed Ganondorf laying there, glaring at the Koopa King. Ganondorf got up and held a fist at Bowser, gritting his teeth like a dog.

"Why'd you do that you pesky dinosaur?" Ganondorf demanded madly. "I have a match with Link that I can't offer to lose!"

Bowser just grumbled in reply and turned away. The Gerudo noticed that Bowser was... upset yet angered at the same time. That was unusual.

"What's with you? You look like someone you hate beat you" Ganondorf asked curiously but not with concern; he never cared for others.

Bowser growled madly like a dog and sighed. "I called Snake so that I can get advice and confess to Peach that I loved her, but it didn't work, and she beat the crap out of me!" He explained madly, expressing with his arms.

Ganondorf hummed at the thought then snorted a laugh. "You, in love with that princess? Hah, how amusing and ridiculous!" The warlock laughed.

Bowser growled hard like thunder and glared at Ganon then grabbed him by the collar bone. "Like you would have experienced love!"

Ganondorf felt stunned about the words that the Koopa King mentioned. Actually, Ganondorf was in love, but with someone unexpected and just plain weird... Jigglypuff...

It was ridiculous, that's what the Gerudo knows, but he loves everything about that little, ball-shape, pale pink, green eyed Pokémon. Her singing, her dances, her underestimated strength, he just loved everything about Jigglypuff. He has never told anyone, not even his closes friends: Bowser (even if those two argue), Wario and Wolf. It be an embarrassment.

"True and I never will" Ganondorf lied.

Bowser muttered something then lowered Ganondorf and stormed off into the distance. Ganondorf then had a smirk on his face, and noticed below him the card used to call Solid Snake. With this card, he will call the clone, get advice, and be one with his true love. With a cackle of triumphant, the warlock skipped happily through the corridors, eager for what is installed for him.

* * *

><p>Ganon was in his room, dialling the numbers as he glanced at the card. It was done, and the Gerudo put the phone to his ear, waiting for Snake to respond.<p>

* * *

><p>Solid Snake was in his room, looking at a mirror that he 'borrowed' from Peach, noticing some grey features on his hair, but it wasn't too visible. The mercenary sighed sadly as he examined his features.<p>

'_Looks like FOXDIE is kicking in_' He thought unpleasantly.

Suddenly the phone rang, which made Snake lower the mirror and pick it up.

"**Hello? This is Snake, women expert, making sure you and your babe last forever**" Snake greeted as usual.

"**This is Ganondorf, supreme Prince of Darkness, Ruler of the Gerudo and one who bears the Triforce of Power**" Ganondorf introduced pride fully.

Snake snorted. "**Yeah, and I'm the Easter Bunny. You seriously don't need to be cocky**"

Ganondorf growled on the phone. "**How dare you, you peasant! Anyway, I need advice for a girl**" He demanded.

Snake blinked and had a look of shock. "**You have a girl? Who... Is she?**" He asked slowly yet curiously.

The Prince of Darkness flinched at the question. There was NO way he was going to tell it to that pervert, mercenary! "**None of your business!**"

Snake sighed in frustration "**It is, unless you don't want my advice**" He told.

Ganon did a double take. "**No, no! I DO need your advice!**"

"**Then tell me who the gal is**" Snake reminded impatiently.

Ganondorf muttered some curses that Snake couldn't hear. With a sigh the Prince of Darkness began. "**It's Jigglypuff**..." He muttered, loud enough for Snake to hear.

Snake snorted a laugh then cracked up laughing, that he nearly fell of his chair. Ganondorf heard the laughing last for ten seconds, then growled madly at the clone, which then deceased his laughing to a chuckle.

"**Are you serious? Wow, this has got to be the weirdest couple, ever!**" Snake stated.

Ganondorf had enough. "**WILL YOU JUST F$#%$ GIVE ME THE F#^*# ADVICE?**" He yelled madly, almost making Snake death.

The clone quivered. "**Whoa... don't need to scream,**" He stated softly. "**Alright, I shall begin, and DON'T argue with me, understood?**"

Ganondorf shrugged but replied.

"**First of all, wear a gangster suit and jeans, 'cause the girls love guy's wearing them. Second, go up to Miss Puffball and give her a poem that I wrote. After that go to the cafeteria, and let your love start singing. Then say how... lovely she is in a sarcastic** **way**" Snake explained as well as he can.

After a few seconds of silence, Ganondorf answered. "**I don't think it'll work**"

Snake growled. "**Look you warlock; I am in this room for half my time, and you tell me that MY ADVICE DOESN'T WORK? WELL IT DOES, SO TAKE MY ADVICE AND GO HOME, OR TRY TO BE A LADIES MAN!**" He yelled, which made Ganon fell off his chair.

The warlock grumbled. "**Alright, you don't need to be mad**"

"**I'll send in the poem in 1500 hours**"

Ganondorf just stood silent, which made Snake sigh. "**It means in one hour**"

The phone hung up, and the warlock just left the place, ready to challenge Link for the past hour.

* * *

><p>It's been an hour since the call, and Ganon was wearing a shirt and a pair of jeans that he bought at Smashville from the permission of the head of Smash Mansion, Master Hand. His eyes looked around the area, as he waited at the bottom of the stairs that led up to the corridors of rooms. Suddenly he heard a screech, and the Gerudo noticed in the corner of his eye that the primate clad in a red shirt and a cap that said 'Nintendo' came holding a piece of paper. Diddy Kong held the paper in front of Ganon, who raised an eyebrow.<p>

"_The human, Snake, wanted me to give you this 'poem' thing_" Diddy talked in his monkey language. Ganondorf could understand him, thanks to the Triforce of Power, the power of one of the three goddesses, Din.

The chimp then left the area, leaving the warlock alone. He read the poem, gave a confused faced, but shrugged and went to find Jigglypuff. He found her in the Gaming Room, speaking with Peach and Kirby.

"Ah, hello" Ganon said in his deep voice as he went up to the trio.

"Hello" Peach replied awkwardly.

Ganondorf noticed the puffball eyeing him which made the warlock gulp and blush. With a deep breath the Gerudo got out his poem and read.

_Your skin is as pink as peaches_

_You are fat as a bowling ball_

_Your singing is weird_

_Yet those green eyes are_

_Ugly as a fly_

_This is the truth_

Once the poem was read out, an awkward silence was in the room. Peach simply blinked while Kirby was eating a cupcake he got from the cafeteria. Jigglypuff fumed in anger at the poem, which made Ganondorf say something quick.

"I-I need to talk to you in the cafeteria about something important... For us" The Prince of Darkness admitted.

Jigglypuff's anger calmed a bit and with a snort she followed the Ganondorf out the room, so that the two could reach their destination. Peach looked down at Kirby.

She sighed and put her hands on her hips. "First Link and Marth wanting to be with Zelda and now Ganondorf reading a poem to Jigglypuff? What's next, Pikman and Lyn?"

Kirby just ate the cupcake but shrugged.

* * *

><p>Ganondorf has taken Jigglypuff to the cafeteria, and the two sat in the table at the corner. Ganondorf sat opposite to Jigglypuff, who still was pissed from the poem. Everyone in the room even Chef Koopa eyed them at times in wonder and deep confusion. Ganondorf gulped and tugged the collar of his shirt.<p>

"Uh, if you would like; I would like you to sing" Ganondorf said to the Pokémon.

Jigglypuff's eyes widen in happiness and she squealed in joy. It's been so long since she has sung to anyone. The last time she sang was in the Melee completion! She then magically got a micro phone hopped on the table and coughed. Zelda widen her eyes in huge shock along with the other Pokémon's and Red.

"No!" They screamed frantically.

But it was too late. Jigglypuff started singing her song, using a part of her name in her song. Everyone, slowly and gradually started to fall asleep. Ganon quickly put some sausages in his ears to block the music. After ten minutes, everyone beside the Gerudo was asleep. When the song ended, Jigglypuff eyed him. The warlock took out the sausages and said.

"That was lovely" He sarcastically said.

Jigglypuff narrowed her eyes and screamed madly then started to roll into a ball and then charge at Ganondorf. He grunted as he burst through the wall and fell to the floor. Jigglypuff walked past him, glanced at him, snorted and walked away.

Ganondorf was reported by all the Smashers (beside Snake) to Master Hand's office. The warlock sat in a chair, twiddling his thumbs and looking at the ground.

Master Hand sighed sadly yet angrily. "Gerudo Ganondorf, you just HAD to put everyone to sleep in the cafeteria! Everyone fell on their foods or even on top of each other!"

"I know" Ganondorf simply replied.

"It was very embarrassing for not all the Smashers but also for the ones working here! You KNEW that Jigglypuff can put anyone to sleep with her song, yet you let her sing!" Master Hand added furiously.

Ganondorf stood up in a defensive manner. "You don't know the meaning of love!"

Master Hand remained quiet for a minute then finally growled. "You will work with my younger brother, Crazy Hand, to move trophies as your punishment"

"NOOOOOOOO!" Ganondorf screamed and went on his knees.

* * *

><p>Snake was as always in his room, playing with a cigar in his mouth. The clone thought about hiring a manager of sorts to help him out and keep an eye on the phones and Play Boys. Suddenly the door slammed open and a mad Ganondorf came in.<p>

"Hey Ganon" Snake said.

Ganondorf simply stormed to him and lifted the mercenary by the collar, surprising the victim.

"DO YOU REALIZE WHAT YOU MADE ME GO THROUGH? NOT ONLY I LOST MY LOVE BUT I HAD TO WORK WITH CRAZY HAND!" He screamed at Snake's face.

Then the Prince of Darkness reared his fist back, which had a mysterious aura around it. Snake screamed. "No-"

But the mercenary was punch hard that he slammed through the walls ending up in Master Hand's office. Master Hand glanced down and sighed madly.

"That's another bill I'll have to pay for the mansion"

* * *

><p>Author's Note: By far the weirdest couple in this story LOL! As I said, assist trophy characters are allowed to be paired with the Smashers or even them XD! Please review!<p> 


	6. Chapter 6: OlimarxLyn

Author's Note: Thank you _Sorceress of Shadows _for the Chapter 5: Jigglypuff and Ganondorf request! And thank you reviewers for reviewing! I never imagined this story to be so good, thanks!

* * *

><p>Chapter 6: OlimarxLyn<p>

Olimar was that kind of midget that wasn't well praised for in the Smash Mansion. The young astronaut wandered around the Lounge with his fellow plant aliens, the Pikman, following him like a group of dogs. He trotted to the fine, silky sofa and hopped onto it with his Pikman laying next to his legs.

Olimar simply stared at the fine, polished floor, and then noticed a reflection on the surface. His onyx eyes widen as he looked up to see a dark green haired girl wearing a navy blue tunic that made Olimar's heart stop. It was Lyn, an Assist Trophy, but either way she lived in the Smash Mansion. The heroine turned to Olimar, gave a sly smile and waved then left the lounge. Olimar felt soft as a cloud and also like a bird flying freely. His love waved to him! To Olimar!

No one has ever done it, and it was a bonus, because he loved her. Yes, it may be one of the weirdest couples (Although he heard rumours of Jigglypuff and Ganondorf being one), he felt ashamed yet thrilled. But, how was a guy like him, going to admit that he loves that female warrior?

"_**Love is a complicated thing, isn't it?**_" A deep, wise voice stated telepathically.

Olimar widen his eyes and looked up to see Lucario walk up to him. The midget nodded sorrowfully.

"Yes, apparently it is" Olimar sadly replied. What was the point in lying? Lucario could read his feelings, deep into the soul.

Lucario sat next the astronaut and patted his back. "_**Mind telling me who this love is?**_"

Olimar sighed and shuttered. "L-Lyn"

Lucario didn't surprise but he gave a sympathetic look. "_**I... Don't really know how to help, but whatever you do, don't Dial Sna-**_"

Olimar raised his head, and then got up, squishing some of his Pikman, but not caring. He stuck his finger up in triumphant.

"That's it! I will call Snake," Olimar declared then ran out. "Thanks Lucario!"

Lucario just sat there, and sighed in sadness. "_**He will regret it...**_"

* * *

><p>Olimar reached his room, found the card of Snake's call (how did it get there?) and then dialled the numbers. The midget squealed like a girl getting a pair of shoes. Oh, how this would be exciting!<p>

* * *

><p>Snake was in his swirly chair, groaning as he rubbed his cheek and with his other hand, clutched his stomach.<p>

'_Dam it that Ganondork! It was all a joke, right?_" The mercenary thought unpleasantly.

Suddenly the phone rang. As usual, Snake picked it up.

"**Hello? This is Snake, women expert, making sure you and your babe last forever**" Snake mimicked his quote.

"**Hi, Snake, this is Olimar calling**" Olimar began uncertainly.

Snake raised an eyebrow. "**Olimar? Seriously, when did the un-noticed midget get a girl?**" He mocked sadistically.

Olimar bit his lips. He and Snake didn't see eye-to-eye; in fact, Snake didn't appreciate a guy like Olimar staying in the Smash Mansion. The astronaut thought of a comeback.

"**W-well, I don't see you with a girlfriend!**" Olimar argued.

Snake cringed. He did once have a girlfriend, Meryl, but she officially dumped him, for he was into Playboy. "**Heck, I had a girlfriend, but she left**"

Olimar was surprised but sighed. "**Please, I just need your advice on this... love of mine**"

Snake leaned back, got out a light and cigar, lighted the cigar, and put it to his lips.

"**Kept you waiting, huh? Well, before I give you advice, tell me girl; after all, I need to determine her character**" Snake demanded, using his personal quote.

The midget thought for a moment, then answered softly. "**Lyn**"

Snake nearly fell off his chair in shock. "**You... are kidding me...**"

Olimar sighed. "**I'm not Snake**"

Snake leaned behind his chair. All couples he has advice were opposites. Yet he didn't get a girl! But that was beside the point. He hated Olimar, and he defiantly wasn't going to let that guy get a girl! Then, an idea hit him. According to the documents that the Colonel gave him, Olimar has a wife (shocking, I know), so, maybe he can give the advice to Olimar, and get his wife! Oh, how it was good to be a clone of Big Boss.

"**Alright then Olimar, listen to my advice, and listen well**" Snake began.

Olimar replied a yes to the mercenary.

"**You buy some flowers, blue tulips, because Lyn seems to like blue; then take her to the park near Smashville. Finally, kneel down and tell her that you love her, and make sure there is NO Pikman**" Snake simply explained.

The astronaut seemed surprise by the advice. It actually seemed... logical and not a trick! Olimar may be a midget, but he had a sense in who tells the truth and not.

"**That actually sounds like a great idea! What time should I confess?**" he asked curiously yet solemnly.

Snake checked the clock. He had to make the call to Olimar's wife, Beretta, and according to the documents, her number was 23132. First tell Olimar when, then immediately call his wife.

"**Half an hour**" Snake said after a few seconds of thinking. "**Be sure to be on time!**" He warned.

"**Why?**"

"**You would not want to mess with a girl when she goes PMS**" Snake warned then hung up.

Olimar quivered slightly then quickly got up and went out of his room, skipping along happily to buy the bluest and most beautiful tulips ever.

* * *

><p>Peach was kindly enough to come to the florist and pick the tulips for Olimar. They were as blue as the water, and pretty as the sky. Olimar gladly bought it and thanked Peach for it. It's been twenty minutes ever since the call and Olimar decided to be dressed in something a bit more casual. He was dressed in a black shirt that said 'I love Space' and some blue shorts. He took off his helmet and breathed the air around him.<p>

It was nice, the scent of the tulips moving around like soft wind. The midget skips down the stairs and asked Marth were he could find Lyn; after all, Marth and Lyn are friends. The prince was obviously curious why a guy like Olimar wanted to see his friend, but he told him that she was in the Trophy Room.

As the little man approached, he paused, licked his palm and combed his hair back like a guy from the 1980's then straightens his shirt. With a deep breath, he entered the room. As the name of the room applied there were hundreds of Trophies from all the worlds. Olimar looked around and saw Lyn, dressed in her usual tunic, sitting down and talking with Samus and Jigglypuff. He approached.

Lyn felt a presence of someone and turned around to see Olimar holding some tulips in a hand. "Oh, hello Olimar, how are you?"

Olimar's heart stopped as if he were shot. She knows his name! '_Don't get to excited Olimar, after all, I must not embarrass myself in front of the girl I love_'

"Well?" Samus demanded impatiently.

Olimar shuttered then put the tulips in front of his face. "Uh, for you Lyn"

The green haired heroine raised her eyebrows in shock, took the tulips softly and smiled at the midget.

"Oh these are lovely, my favourites," Lyn stated then smelled the tulips. It was divine, like chocolate. "And such a divine smell, thank you Olimar!" She thanked.

Olimar rubbed the back of his head and chuckled heartily. Samus just eyed him under her visor.

'_How out of character_'

The man then sighed. "Could you, come with me to the park near Smashville? There's something really... nice I would like to show you" He asked.

Lyn thought for a moment in wonder. What would Olimar like to show a girl like her? She shrugged slightly but nodded. "Sure, I'd love to go to Season Park"

As she got up, Olimar opened the door, using curtsy to allow Lyn to go first. She thanked him and soon the midget followed. Samus turned to Jigglypuff, and Jigglypuff turned to Samus. The female bounty hunter tapped her helmet at the side.

"I used my Thermal Visor on Olimar. He seemed pretty hot as he talked to Lyn. You don't think he...?" Samus wondered.

Jigglypuff nodded humbly.

"_**That space-man loves Lyn, oh yes, and how romantic**_" The female-singer Pokémon stated, but not with a squeal of joy.

Samus remained quiet. After a few seconds she began a weird topic. "Did you love someone, or someone loved you?"

Jigglypuff seemed to pout madly and shiver in fright as if all the ice in the world fell on her spine.

"_**You don't want to know...**_" She simply warned.

The blond hunter sighed. "I fell in love with a guy, but it didn't work out"

* * *

><p>Olimar took Lyn by the hand and in ten minutes they arrived at the Season Park. It was spring. All the leaves made an arc opening like a castle with pure green leaves that made the sky look like a neon colour. The midget led Lyn to a bench near a circle of trees and fresh leaves.<p>

"Wow, this is the most beautiful place I've been to" Lyn whistled as she gazed around the area.

"I've looking at something more beautiful" Olimar mumbled corny.

Lyn turned to him, to see the midget flinch and kneel down at her. He grabbed her hand and smiled slyly.

"Uh, Lyn, there's been something I've been meaning to tell you" Olimar said.

Lyn tilted her head in wonder.

"I... I love you Lyn" Olimar admitted.

The green haired warrior was shocked. The midget, the most unpopular character in Brawl, was in love with her? Well, this is far more awkward then the scene when Marth interrupted her when she was getting dressed.

"Uh, Olimar I don't-"

"OLIMAR! WHAT IN PIKMAN'S NAME ARE YOU DOING?" A female voice boomed, causing all birds in the trees to fly away, their feathers falling off.

Olimar cringed, his eyes widen in terror. As a shadow loomed over him like an eclipse, the midget turned and saw the girl he feared most... his wife, Beretta.

She was much taller than him, a regular adult size to be right. She had a black dress with star patterns on, high heels to match the dress and three silver rings on her left hand. She had deadly onyx eyes that looked like an endless abyss and sandy blond hair.

The astronaut gulped and sweat was clearly shown, dropping like rain drops.

"Eh, hello Beretta-darling! I-I haven't seen you in a long time" Olimar laughed nervously.

Beretta growled and punched Olimar in the face, sending him flying, and impacting a tree, thus destroying it. Lyn just stared wide eyed. This woman was a monster!

The blond stared with hate. "How dare you cheat on me Olimar? To fall in love with that green haired girl!"

She then charged and her three rings glowed neon green, then in a snap, three spikes poke out of them like talons on a bird. Olimar couldn't react and screamed as he was punched in the gut, the claws cutting through his flesh like paper.

"Thank goodness that mercenary fellow told me so"

Olimar's eyes widen in major shock. After the scandalize reaction his eyes turned to pure hate.

'_SNAKE!_' Then fell unconscious after the blood lost.

Lyn gulped as Beretta stomped away. "I never loved that guy anyway"

Beretta didn't say a thing, but she just left to who knows where.

* * *

><p>Snake sat in his room, smoking happily and playing darts on his new dart board that was above his desk. He gave his raspy laugh as the dart hit the dead-centre.<p>

"Oh, how life is fun" He muttered happily.

There was a knock on the door. Snake just called something out, and out came... at first Snake didn't notice, until he looked down to see a dark-eyed Olimar. Snake smirked sarcastically.

"Oh, did your lovely wife come to teach the poor little midget a lesson?" The mercenary taunted.

"I like to make a complaint" Olimar said with venom.

Snake cackled at this. "What are you going to do to me?"

Olimar growled but then gave a dark grin. He side stepped to the side and out came a girl that Snake knew too well. It was his former girlfriend, Meryl. She seemed angry yet shocked to find Snake here (let alone his age because of FOXDIE).

"Heard you been 'busy' huh, Snake?" Meryl asked dangerously.

Snake chuckled softly. "What do you mean, Meryl-baby?" He asked as he raised his arms up in a confused way.

Meryl growled and got a poster that said 'Super Smash Bros Brawl' that had all 35 Smashers and some Assist Trophies. All the girls were circled in red, and Snake looked down to see Olimar holding a red highlighter.

"YOU'VE BEEN BEING A PERVE, HAVEN'T YOU?" She demanded madly then readied her Eagle pistol.

Snake moved his chair back slowly as he began to sweat.

"Of course not! All those girls are ugly! There is no girl that'll ever replace you!" Snake debated.

Suddenly from the left Peach came with a very angry look followed by Jigglypuff. Snake muttered a curse.

"Mind if you repeat that Snake? Because you've been reading Playboy and sneaking into the showers to peak when we girls are in there!" Peach screamed madly, her scream nearly made Snake fall off his chair.

Meryl widens her pure silver eyes and clutched the pistol even more.

"You've been reading Playboy too?" The red-haired heroine screamed.

Jigglypuff nodded then rolled into a ball. Peach got out her frying pan and Meryl held the pistol.

Snake swore. "Oh crap...!"

Jigglypuff rolled like a bolder and slammed into Snake's guts, sending the mercenary flying to the cupboard, and then followed by a series of pistols shot at his balls. Snake groaned and as he thought it was over, Peach gave a warrior cry, ran in and slammed her frying pan, making Snake go unconscious after another groan. Olimar smirked behind the girls. Revenge was sweet, and he knew it...

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Lucario was right that Olimar would regret it. But he got a bit of revenge! The couple was suggested by a reviewer I know well of called <em>Laguzgirl13<em> and I also gave her extra Snake bashing, because she loves it XD! The reviewer said that Olimar had a wife, I don't know the name, but I'll call her Beretta, because she is ruthless! Please review and suggest couples :D!


	7. Chapter 7: SonicxSheik

Author's Note: Sorry for the delay, been working on other fan fictions. I still hope that you all enjoy this story, and thank you for your kind reviews and suggestions :D! Today's chapter was suggested by _MessengerOfDreams_, a SonicxSheik couple.

* * *

><p>Chapter 7: SonicxSheik<p>

Everyone knew Sonic the Hedgehog. The blue blur is a world phenomenon and a huge rival to his friend, Mario. Some Smashers got along with him, others thought he was annoying. Sonic chuckled when they called him annoying all because of his taunt 'you're too slow!'. But, there was one thing that everyone didn't know about the anthro. There was a girl he liked. Most people would think it would be Amy Rose, the major pink-hedgehog fangirl, but no it was someone apart of the mansion.

Someone who wasn't as noticed as Lucas or Yoshi or someone who was a social type. She is the antithesis, the massacre and from a well known family, Sheik. Yes, it was unusual, even Sonic would have to admit, but love comes from all shapes and sizes. Sonic was indeed eager to propose his love for the Sheikh, but there was a problem.

One was Link and Marth going berserk when they saw Zelda and the other was how was he going to propose? Some rumours were going around the mansion about calling Snake for women advice, but most people who called never got that long lasting relationship. Still, Sonic was reckless so with a shrug he dashed into his room like a bullet and started dialling. His eyes once caught the number from the pin card so he should be able to call Snake.

* * *

><p>Somewhere in an ancient place beneath Kakariko's Grave Yard, a brown, anorexia person with black pupil-less eyes and mouth known as a ReDead staggered around the area, making a small, low groan. Soon, multiple ringing was heard from a cell phone that lied on the dull floor.<p>

Curious, the ReDead staggered to it, bend down slowly and picked it up. It wasn't its phone, but the last victim, a random tourist died here. Soon the ReDead brought it to the side of his head (has no ears, so by the ancient goddesses I don't know how it can hear) and listened for a reply.

"**Hey, Snake? This is Sonic speaking, wanting some of that girl advice**" Sonic greeted.

The ReDead did an ear-piercing shriek at the phone, making it crackle.

"**... Uh, are you alright Snake? Did you lose your voice or somethin'?" **Sonic questioned awkwardly.

A low moan escaped from the ReDead.

"**Oh, you got a hoarse? Well tough luck man, 'cause I really would like your help**" Sonic stated knowingly.

Another shriek, only louder came from the ReDead, clearly getting annoyed by the hedgehog for talking to the life-less being. How stupid was the mortal?

"**Seriously man! Don't need to shriek at me like that! I'll call you later**" Sonic huffed and hung up.

A low moan that sounded more of a sigh escaped the lips of the ReDead who soon dropped the phone and squashed it with its foot.

Sonic rubbed his temple in wonder, thinking about the call he encountered. Suddenly, Toon Link came in, after hearing the shrieks from the corridor. Sonic glanced at the Hero of Winds and gave a grin in greeting. But Link didn't greet with his usual smile or wave making Sonic frown in wonder.

"Hey, something wrong, Toon Link?" Sonic asked, looking at the shocked and feared face of Toon Link.

"S-Sonic... Why did y-you call a ReDead...?" toon Link questioned in fright.

Sonic's brow-less eyebrows raised in shock and thought. So that was why the creature was shrieking and moaning; it was a living dead. A nervous chuckle came from Sonic as he rubbed the back of his head.

"He, he, just trying to get along with the thing..." Sonic lied, making Toon Link fall on the floor, anime style.

* * *

><p>Once Toon Link left, Sonic tried again. He found out he accidently wrote a '7' on the end of the phone number. Being more careful, he glanced at the card and dialled the numbers, awaiting for Snake... the REAL one.<p>

Snake was bandaged recently because of the girls he knows and knew from his time. Why did everyone try to bash the guy? When Snake will be older, he should retire and get a restraining order. Before he could light up another cigar, the phone rang up. Snake gave a sigh and prayed in his mind that this time it wouldn't be a pissed off fellow.

"**This is Snake, women expert, making sure you and your babe last forever**" Snake greeted as usual.

'_Phew, this is the right number' _"**Hey Snake! I was wondering if you can help me out here!**" Sonic replied in greeting.

Snake was shocked yet relieved. At least it wasn't a guy to get easily pissed off; more or less people got pissed off around the hedgehog.

After he lit his cigar and puffed he replied. "**If it's about Amy I can easily-**"

"**No, it's not Amy,**" Sonic interrupted. "**Amy is just a friend- fangirl more. No, it's someone from the mansion**"

After tapping on his cigar, Snake leaned back on his chair, puffing on his cigar. "**So, who's the girl?**" He asked in wonder. When did Sonic get into girls?

Sonic hummed in slight annoyance. "**Is it really necessary to know?**"

"**Of course,**" Snake snorted snobbishly. "**If I know the characteristics, then I can help you**" He explained as he played on the cord of the phone.

"**Hah! You'd be surprised**" Sonic said cheekily.

"**Try me,**" Snake replied in a challenging way. "**Is it Jigglypuff?**"

"**Just because I'm not human doesn't mean my love isn't human**" Sonic explained calmly, as if he predicted that Snake would guess that.

The clone leaned slightly on his chair, humming in wonder then replied. "**Uh, Zelda?**"

"**Close; it's her alter ego**" Sonic stated.

"**... Puppet Zelda?**" Snake replied with a snap of his fingers.

"**Wha? Who the heck is Puppet Zelda?**" Sonic questioned

"**Oh, it's Sheik, right?**

Sonic rolled his green eyes in the obvious manner but said nicely. "**Yup! So can you help me get together with Sheik?**" Sonic asked curiously and hopefully.

Snake hummed in thought as he leaned at the back of his chair while puffing on his cigar. Sheik and Sonic, Sonic and Sheik. Well, that was a tough one, considering Sheik doesn't talk to anyone, mostly being mute. In a flash, Snake thought of an idea.

"**Ok. Listen well my blue blur friend, because what I'm going to say will make you be with Sheik**" Snake declared, waiting for Sonic's reply.

Sonic replied yes, and waited for Snake to begin explaining.

"**First I want you to wear a blond pompadour, because I always hear Sheik listening to Elvis Music**," Snake moaned at the end of his sentence and knew Sonic was going to question him "**Seriously, I'm not joking**"

"**Right; so I got to be an Elvis-wannabe?**" Sonic snorted a laugh.

"**I said blond pompadour, not black. You also have to wear knight armour that's pure black with pink writing saying 'Ninjas SUCKS!', because Sheik is tired of everyone thinking she's a ninja and stuff**" Snake explained thoroughly.

"**I guess that's fine**" Sonic replied awkwardly, not really knowing what to say.

"**Finally you must take her to the roof top and say these words: 'My blueness is beyond you, you are Zelda in disguise; stop being a wannabe cross-dresser and let's make love! YEAH, YEAH BABY!' and then propose your love" **Snake finished.

An awkward silence came between both the Smashers.

"**Uh... What in the name of Chaos Emeralds?**" Sonic muttered.

"**Don't question me! Oh, and hurry before she is taken**" Snake hung up.

With a shrug, Sonic lowered the phone and dashed out the doors out the mansion, ready to buy the clothes so that he can admit his love for Sheik.

* * *

><p>Sheik was outside Smash Mansion, playing her harp on top a tree. Lucas was under the tree, humming along to the song as he felt so much serenity. Sheik would always put Lucas to sleep by playing a song she knew that past down from generations in Hyrule: Zelda's Lullaby. As she played the harp, heavy footsteps were stomping on the grass surface sounding like thunder.<p>

Sheik stopped playing the harp, and Lucas looked into the distance of the footsteps. Ruby red eyes opened and stared into the dark abyss of night. Soon a figure emerged, surprisingly small wearing black armour with a blond pompadour sticking out the helmet. Lucas gave a scandalized gasp as he got up, clearly frightened at the knight. Sheik leapt off the tree and approached the figure cautiously. Soon the helmet opened to revile Sonic wearing sunglasses and smiling.

Sheik paused in shock, and Lucas fainted. "Sonic? What on earth...? What's with the pompadour? Trying to be Elvis, but as a knight...?" Sheik asked cautiously pointing to him.

Sonic pointed a finger and made some clicking noises while winking under the sunglasses.

"Hey cheeky-babe, want to come with me to our little secret place" He spoke in a flirtiest accent.

The Sheikah tilted her head then looked down at the stomach and saw in pink writing 'Ninja SUCKS!', clearly offending the warrior. She glared at Sonic, glanced at the pompadour and back.

"Listen Sonic; if you came here to annoy me because I am a ninja and because I'm blond then get lost, and CHANGE THE STUPID ACCENT AND BLONDS AREN'T DUMB!" Sheik yelled madly.

Sonic cringed in surprise, turned around and got out a book called 'Ways to Getting a Sheikah by Malo'. His jade eyes scanned the book under his sunglasses and once satisfied, he closed the book, threw it away at Shadow, who grunted and collapsed to the floor. Sonic turned and extended his fingers out.

"Sorry to offend ya, babe, just meet me up on the roof top" Sonic gestured, then used his Homing Attacks to reach up to the roof.

With a sigh, Sheik followed after the anthro that was clearly on drugs or high sugar in her opinion.

* * *

><p>Soon Sheik reached the roof where Sonic sat and gazed at the stars. His head glanced at Sheik who sat beside him reluctantly and smiled at her.<p>

"You know, baby, there is some few things I'd like to say, ya" Sonic admitted then got up.

Sheik glared at him. "For the love of the three goddesses; don't it be about my cross-dressing ways or the fact that I love Elvis, or I'll have to hide the body..." She stated, eying at Sonic.

Sonic gulp at the threat and then with a deep breath he began his long speech that he rehearsed.

"My blueness is beyond you; you are Zelda in disguise; stop being a wannabe cross-dresser and let's make love! YEAH, YEAH BABY!" Sonic finished with a dramatic pose.

An awkward silence came between these two. Sheik was clearly speechless at the anthro, who eyed her in wonder beneath the sunglasses. Before the Sheikah could below, a scream came along with huffing. Both Smashers turned and noticed Link wearing Triforce-patterned white pyjamas.

"Zelda... Zelda I love you and you're the best in the world!" Link admitted slowly.

"What, but she's Sheik" Sonic pointed out.

Link rolled his azure eyes at the hedgehog, not even going to comment on how ridiculous he looked. His head turned and he argued.

"Sheik and Zelda are the same person, dolt! And she's my one true love!" Link stated.

"Never!" Another voice called in the distance.

Everyone turned and noticed Marth who is wearing blue pyjamas with Playboy bunnies. Everyone stared at him in shock, making Marth blush slightly.

"Come on man! Playboy is awesome!" Marth stated proudly yet embarrassedly.

'_Pervert..._' Sonic and Link thought.

Marth zoomed past and held onto Sheik's hand. "Zelda, Sheik, whatever, I love you as much as being pretty"

"Uh, Marth that's-"

"That's like the corniest thing I ever heard!" Sonic chortled in amusement only to get punched in the nose.

"Shut up! Zelda and I are meant to be together!" Marth argued.

"No! Obviously I and Zelda are meant together! Not with a pretty boy like you or a blue anthro that doesn't learn to shut up!" Link denied.

"Hey, we'll see about that!" Sonic growled.

All three fought against each other madly and competitively. Link bit Sonic's ears, Sonic punched Marth's gut and Marth kneed Link's face. All trio fought hard, not noticing how dangerously close they were to the edge of the rooftop. Before Sheik could comment, all trio were off the rooftop.

"Take that, pretty boy!" Sonic laughed after punching Marth.

"Hey, since when are we levitating?" Link questioned.

All three looked down to see the ground, glanced up at each other and blinked.

"I guess there's one thing to do..." Marth paused slowly. "SCREAM!"

Sonic, Link and Marth nodded then screamed as they plummeted to the ground. Lucas came conscious and gave a sigh of relief and a sly smile. As he walked, a shadow loomed over him like a mountain. With a scandalized gasp he glanced up to see three men falling. With a scream he leapt away as all three impacted the ground, all unconscious. Lucas was only an inch away from being crushed, which made him faint again in shock. Sheik on the other hand glanced down from the rooftop to see all four of them unconscious. With an angry and sad sigh she leapt down.

"What a bunch of weirdos in the mansion; I rather be hooked up with Ridley than this" Sheik stated sadly then started dragging all of the one by one.

* * *

><p>"... So, Sonic, Link and Marth tried to fight for your-a love thus making them fall of the rooftop and shocking little Lucas here?" Dr. Mario questioned, writing down some notes on his billboard.<p>

A nod came from Sheik, who stood near the door, arms crossed. "That's right Dr," She paused and sighed. "When will these three get their minds back to normal?" She asked, glancing at Sonic, Link and Marth who were all conscious.

"When you choose me!" Sonic grinned.

"No me!" Link humbly said.

"Of course, she'd choose me!" Marth argued.

All three glared dangerously at each other that soon they leapt at each other like cats and grabbed any equipment as they fought each other like scalpels, knives, syringes and thermometers. Lucas who had recovered once again fainted. Dr. Mari steamed madly at this.

"Do you three want me to call your lovers?" Dr. Mario yelled.

All three stopped and stared in horror.

"No, anyone but Amy!" Sonic begged.

"Shidda will kill me for sure and destroy my good looks!" Marth added.

"Hey, I have lots of girls!" Link realized dumbly.

"Then will you STOP THIS FIGHTING? DO YOU KNOW WHO MUCH MONEY I PAY?" Mario shouted.

All three whimpered and went back to their nurse beds and quivered under the covers. Sheik glanced at a puffing Dr. Mario and laughed nervously.

"I'll... I'll just get going now" She declared and gave a smile and left.

* * *

><p>Snake hummed in thought then saw an angry Sheik walk by. She seemed indeed mad, and Snake knew that his plan worked. Snake called Link and Marth that Sonic was going to have a good time Sheik making them worried and mad at the same time. A slight sigh of happiness escaped his lips. At least Sheik didn't think it was him, but still he'd just be cautious around Sonic...<p>

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Thank you all for being patient :)! So, it would seem that we are running out of suggestions. Very well, I shall state some new ideas and answer questions.<p>

1: Can you use the same characters again for a different person?

A: Later on in the story, yes, but not three times.

So now, I like to point out some things that'll help you request for future couples. First off, you can't use other characters from any series only Super Smash Bros. It can be from _Melee _or _Brawl_ but not from a different series. Also you can use Assist Trophies; they can be paired with a trophy or a Smasher like SamusxShadow (I like this couple for some funny reason...) or NanaxGrey Fox O_O. Also, you can use the bosses (besides Giga Bowser) as couples like RidleyxPlautena or TabuuxStafy. Please review and suggest :D!


	8. Chapter 8: RoyxPeach

Author's Note: Thank you all for the reviews and requests :D! Anyhow, I've started to do characters again. As I said, you could use, say Peach twice (PeachxMario and the newest chapter). Also, Sheik/Zelda doesn't count as one request. Hope you enjoy!

* * *

><p>Chapter 8: RoyxPeach<p>

Roy was a strong and noble hero, much better than pretty-boy Marth. Even though Roy was kicked out of Super Smash Bros, he has the rights from Master Hand to stay in the mansion. He wasn't mad at all about being kicked out, maybe sad, but not because of the reason everyone thought. When the warrior was in the mansion, he could see Peach...

Yes, Roy loved the princess of Mushroom Kingdom with all his heart; in fact it was he who send the letter on Valentine's Day as her secret admirer. He hasn't told anyone about his love for Peach, being cautious that rumours may spread and Mario would give him the biggest beating of his life. Damn, why should love for a princess be so complicated?

Roy should be with Peach (in his view) not that fat plumber. He walked into the Living Room and sat on the sofa with a sigh. How would he ever confess love to the princess if someone else had eyes for her? Soon he heard footsteps in the distance. The red-head turned to see a fatter, Mario-duplicate with yellow blue and pink bikie clothes man walk by, picking his nose. Wario glanced to the side and noticed Roy staring at him gloomily.

"What's your problem?" Wario demanded as he eyed Roy.

A simple sigh escaped the young boy's lips. His head turned away from Wario. "I don't think you'd be able to help me out..."

"What the heck is that suppose to mean?" Wario growled as he approached with a venomous look in his small eyes.

"Uh... well," Roy paused, uncomfortable about the position he was in. With a deep breath of confidence he began. "There's a girl I like-no, love in the mansion but someone else loves her..."

Wario stared at him sceptically and barked out a laugh, earning Roy's confused look.

"Well that's darn easy to solve!" He stated rapturously; his laughing dying to a chuckle.

"Then how do you solve it?" Roy questioned quickly, as if his life depended on it.

Wario rubbed his temple and tilted his head to the side in a wonder moment. "All you got to do is call Snake. Here," He said and got out a card from his pocket and gave it to Roy. "He's a women expert guaranteed to make you and your lover a long lasting couple"

Roy stared at the card and then stared sceptically at the fat man before him. Was Wario... helping him? Since when that happen in history?

"Thanks... I guess..." Roy admitted, trying to sound motivated.

"Then go and get your lover!"

With a nod, Roy skipped off his sofa and ran to his room ready to call for Snake. Little did he know that Wario was chuckling evilly and maliciously to himself. Wario may not look smart but he knew that Roy would ask about the advice, considering Wario's been... doing research. Soon Roy's heart will smash like glass over his lover's feet...!

* * *

><p>Roy had reached his room and held the phone. Before he dialled, he paused as if he got shot in the back and stared at the phone. Was it a good idea to call a man he really didn't trust? True, Snake can be wise at times but he can also be ignorant too. But time was running out, and sooner or later Mario will ask Peach out. Reluctantly he dialled the numbers, awaiting the sound of the voice...<p>

* * *

><p>"Now you put that bin over there next to the computer" Snake ordered as he pointed his clutched-cigar hand to the table.<p>

Grumbling, Diddy Kong obeyed as he lifted the bin and placed it over the table. Snake had wanted a 'manager' to help him out with the calls he was getting from the men wanting advice. Master Hand told everyone about the news in the bulletin about Snake needing a manager, and what do you get? Diddy Kong, who was shoved by his so-called friend, Falco to be the manager! So now Diddy was working for the famous mercenary.

'_Manager, hah! More like a slave!_ _Once I'm out I'll give Falco a beating!_' Diddy thought madly.

"Good, good; when you done I want you to-" Snake was cut off by the sound of the phone. He picked up the phone and put it to his ear.

Diddy sighed in relief mentally. '_Phew. Save by the phone! Let's see if 'Mr. Women-adviser' can take this call!_' He thought, a sneer appearing on his snout.

"**This is Snake, women expert, making sure you and your babe last forever**" Snake stated in his usual quote.

The Kong rolled his eyes. '_Where you can lose your love and get to beat the bananas out of Snake more likely_' Diddy wondered.

"**Hey Snake, this is Roy, the hottest guy around!**" Roy replied enthusiastically.

Snake frowned at the comment and sighed. "**Enough with the acting cool stuff; you're ugly and I'm hot**"

Roy seemed offended by the comment. "**No, I'm hot!**"

"**Hot for dead people; I'm hottest!**" Snake snorted.

"**I'M FRICKING HOT! MY HOTNESS WILL BURN OUT YOUR EYES!**" Roy screamed furiously.

An awkward silence filled the room after the shriek from the phone. Snake stared at the phone and Diddy just blinked. After a few seconds of silence Snake spoke again.

"**Uh, yeah, first of all: that sounded like you were gay, and second of all: what do you want?**"

Roy mumbled. "**Isn't it obvious? I want an advice on my girl!**"

Snake scowled in reply. "**Well, no shit Sherlock! I want to know who the girl you want is!**"

Roy was silent. Was it a good idea to tell that his lover is Peach? Heck, Snake wouldn't care at all who his lover is; his lover could be Lindsey Lohand.

"**Peach**" He replied with slight triumph.

"**...Peach...?**

This was rather weird for Snake. Roy loved Peach that was unexpected. He'd expected Nana to be his interest. Then again, when was she ever interesting at all? But the problem was Mario. Snake remembered the whole 'Sheik's Guys' incident. Fortunately, no one bashed him. Diddy tilted his head and eyed Snake in wonder.

'_Is he thinking about what to say to the caller?_' He wondered.

'_How big can Samus' 'lower cheeks' get?_' Snake thought pleasantly and blissfully.

"**Hello, Snake! I'm still here you know!**" Roy shouted.

Snake snapped out of his daze and then spoke. "**Uh, yeah, sorry about that Roy**"

"**Nice to see you thinking,**" Roy said sarcastically. "**Now what do I do?**"

Snake thought for a few seconds and finally replied. "**I want you to dress up like a transvestite-**"

"**What's a transvestite**?" Roy asked.

"**Guy who dresses like a girl to... show how beautiful his lover is; Peach always bragged Mario to do it...**" Snake lied.

"**Ok, then what?**"

"**You will meet Diddy Kong dressed as a girl too. You must kiss Diddy Kong romantically in front of Peach then sing 'I'm Just a Sweet Transvestite' while doing the pelvic thrust!**" Snake finished.

All was quiet. No one breathed for a while until Roy spoke.

"**Why am I doing this again?**" Roy demanded.

"**Because you love Peach and you think you're hot**" Snake replied.

"**Yes... I also don't think I'm hot, I KNOW I'm hot because you're born with it!**" Roy stated with a snort.

"**... Good on ya...**" Snake said and hung up.

After the call Snake's silver eyes flashed as he turned his head to Diddy Kong. A wicked smile was across the clone's face as he stared at a horrified monkey.

"_**I don't like that look on your face!**_" Diddy squealed.

"I have no idea what you just said," Snake puffed on his cigar. "But you're going to get some colourful clothes..."

* * *

><p>Roy had asked Zelda if he could borrow one of her dresses. Zelda couldn't help but asked why he needed a dress. Dumbly, Roy replied so he can be a transvestite. After that he left leaving a flabbergasted, dumbstruck Zelda. The young warrior went into the Boy's Bathroom and started to put make-up (which he also borrowed from Zelda) on his cheeks. Ike, who was doing his business glanced up then down then back up as he stared madly at Roy, who was now putting mascaras on.<p>

"What the heck are you doing?" Ike demanded.

Roy glanced over as he finished putting the mascara. "I'm being a transvestite," He explained then did a twirl. "Aren't I pretty?"

Ike stared at him, thinking he was a mad man. Roy frowned at that look and snorted. "You're just jealous on how pretty I am!"

With a scowl he walked out the Men's Room, ready to find his destined lover. Beside Roy, Ganondorf glanced up and snorted.

"We have the next Justin Bieber" He stated.

Ike nodded in agreement.

* * *

><p>Peach sat outside, on the hill, having a cup of tea with her friend Samus (Without her Varia Suit). The aroma rose up like steam, making Peach smell and sigh in ecstasy.<p>

"Ah, a beautiful day, wonderful view, great tea and a friend too. It's such a nice feeling" Peach stated and sipped on her tea.

Samus nodded. "It's good to have a little serenity and comfort once in a while"

"Nothing could disrupt this moment" Peach paused as she lowered her tea.

"Princess Peach!" A voice called out.

Both girls turned around and saw Roy dressed in a dress skip up the hill with a smile on his face. Peach dropped her cup in shock, while Samus raised an eyebrow.

"Nothing to disrupt this moment," She paused sarcastically and glanced at her friend. "Some weird transvestite had came to"

Roy put his hands on his hips and gave a humph. "Princess, I have something to confess, but first," He paused, t silence Peach. The red-head glanced over his shoulder and said. "My friend needs to come over here"

Soon Diddy Kong came up the hill, but not with his usual clothes. Instead of a red shirt, he wore a hot pink dress with the words 'Princess' engraved with fake jewels. His cap was also replaced by a fine-looking, pink bow. Fake eyelashes were also on Diddy's sombre eyes.

"Diddy... Kong?" Samus snorted in amusement.

Diddy grumbled as Roy soon held his hands like doing the tango. Roy's head snapped to Peach with a eager look.

"Allow me to demonstrate my love to you princess!"

Suddenly and unexpectedly, the young warrior leaned in and gave a kiss to Diddy. Slight groans were heard as Roy tried to make it look romantic.

'_End, end, END!_' Diddy thought unpleasantly.

"He's defiantly expressing his love" Samus commented.

Finally to Diddy's relief, Roy finished the kiss and turned to both girl. He shoved Diddy aside and then started to do pelvic thrusts.

"I'm just a sweet transvestite! From transsexual... Transylvania-nia-ha-ha! Dag, nag! I'm just a sweet transvestite! From transsexual... Transylvania-nia-ha-ha!" Roy sang happily and finished it with a pelvic thrust.

All was quiet, only the wind blowing through the area. Everyone stared at Roy in utter shock and wonder. Roy extended his hands out to state something.

"Well, how was my confession?" He asked.

Peach had fainted from the shock that Roy didn't even noticed when he had finished the song so only Samus could reply. "Well, you defiantly confessed your love to being a transvestite and Diddy so you need serious help... like now"

Blue eyes lit up in shock. "W-What? I don't love that ape, I love Peach!" He denied while earning a scowled from Diddy from the 'ape' part.

The blond rolled her eyes sarcastically. "Yeah, tell it to Dr. Mario" She stated and started to push Roy down the hill.

"Wait a minute! Isn't this what men do to girls?" Roy questioned as he was being pushed by Samus.

"If you refer to Diddy then I have no idea" Samus admitted.

As Roy debated the facts in the distance, Diddy Kong stood at the hill with an angered look on his face. With a swipe of his hand he ripped the bow off his head.

'_Samus and Peach think that Roy loves me and that I'm a transvestite! Damn it; wait till I get my hands on Snake!_' He thought furiously yet maliciously.

* * *

><p>"So, you confessed that you are a transvestite?" Dr. Mario questioned, staring sceptically at his patient.<p>

Roy was lying in a medical bed, still shocked by the news. Samus stood crossed-armed while Dr. Mario jots down notes.

"For the love of my hotness, I did it to confess my love to Peach!" Roy argued for who-knows how many times.

"Bet you he's going mad, doctor" Samus suggested, glancing to the Mario look-alike.

Dr. Mario nodded gravely and then glanced back down at his note. After a few seconds of scanning through his notes like a machine he glanced up a Roy.

"Would you-a like a sex change Roy?" He asked.

Chocking on his saliva in shock, Roy stared at him in a scandalized manner. "WHAT? I DON'T WANT A SEX CHANGE!"

"Then why would you want to be a transvestite?" Dr. Mario questioned.

A simple growl came from the young-warrior. "To confess my love to Peach! Don't all transvestites do that?"

"A likely excuse" Samus snorted.

Dr. Mario sighed in awkward agreement. "I'll-a be keeping Roy under my-a therapy. He is not to-a participate in games due to being a girl-wannabe"

Roy screamed madly and started to fake cry as he was left alone to the presence of Dr. Mario.

* * *

><p>An hour later passed and the news about Roy wanting to be a transvestite came through into the bulletin by Master Hand.<p>

"_**Roy, who today became a transvestite to confess his love to Diddy Kong, is not to participate due to these circumstances. Children who don't know this word 'transvestite' is to be taught by elders. Thank you**_" Master Hand had told.

Snake sneered at the note. Poor Roy, wanting to confess his love to Peach only to be confused by Diddy Kong! Speaking of the monkey, where was he? A sudden knock came at his door. Snake narrowed his eyebrows. Roy couldn't complain because of his therapy. Friends were unlikely, due to cracking up laughing about the news. Curiously, he opened the door only to find no one there. A squeak came, which made Snake glance down to see a grinning Diddy Kong.

"Hey, what's up" Snake greeted.

Diddy kept his smile and then put something in his hands and run away. Snake eyed him as he ran then look down only to see dynamite that had a few seconds till it blew up.

"Oh cr-" Snake swore, only to be blown to bits by the dynamite.

Behind the walls of the corridors, Diddy chortled evilly.

'_REVENGE! HA, HA, HA!_' He thought pleasantly.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Thank you <em>RawKHawk2.0 <em>for his request. I all hope you enjoyed this chapter! I don't own the movie song reference! Think you can tell the movie? XD! Please review, and see the request :D!


	9. Chapter 9: SquirtlexBowser

Author's Note: Onto the chapter! Sorry for the wait, I was awaiting reviews and was busy. On 30 :)! Oh, a character from '_Metal Gear Solid_' will appear.

* * *

><p>Chapter 9: SquirtlexBowser<p>

Squirtle was always annoyed when it came to socializing with the Smashers.

Every Smasher (including his trainer Red) thought that Squirtle was a guy! But in reality the Pokémon is a female and sadly, only the Pokémon was always 'Good boy, Squirtle' or 'Let the stupid blue-boy-turtle have it!' and it really antagonized her. But she never complained about her gender. If it weren't for her gender she wouldn't fall in love with Bowser. Yes, it was Bowser but it isn't as bizarre as some may think in Squirtle's view.

Bowser was a shell-backed creature, so was Squirtle; Bowser has magic so does Squirtle. Secretly, she thinks he's rather handsome and strong, especially as Giga Bowser. There's a miniature poster of Giga Bowser in Red's room under his bed where Squirtle would eye the paper for a long time. There have been rumours of going about dialling Snake for women advice. Squirtle really doesn't know what to think of Snake, but she was no friend of his. True, she could call him but there's a problem…

How the hell do you call someone if the only word you speak is Squirtle?

The only beings (beside the Pokémon) who could understand him was Master Hand and Crazy Hand, so how the smash will she talk to Snake? Sighing, Squirtle just waddled sadly down the corridors of the Smash Mansion.

Before she could take another step, a scrawny haired person wearing simply a turtle neck shirt, long pants and a science coat broke through a door of someone's room, giving a scandalized gasp as he tripped and fell on the floor. Squirtle blinked as Peach emerged from the room with a frying pan held in her hands. Judging by her narrowed eyebrows she wasn't happy.

"No I won't let you measure my 'filtration milk system' you sicko!" Peach bellowed furiously.

The scientist and good friend of Solid Snake, Otacon gulped as he got up and stacked his documents. "I-I wasn't intending to!" He lied and ran as he saw that glaring Peach.

Then Squirtle has an idea. Otacon was the head scientist of Smash Mansion, and inventor of the teleportation device so maybe he could build a translator for her! Squirtle took out a picture of Bowser, gave it a smooch and skipped happily along the corridors while Peach madly entered back into her room.

* * *

><p>Otacon went into the Living Room with a cold ice pack on his swollen cheek. He was slapped before he was thrown out of Peach's room. Seriously, she wasn't stupid as most of the Smashers thought. Although he didn't really get why Peach was getting kidnapped if she could clearly defend herself. Before he could think it over, Squirtle came in with an eager smile planted on its sky blue head. As Squirtle approached next to Otacon, the scientist blinked with curiosum.<p>

"May I help you Squirtle?" He asked.

Squirtle replied with its name and pointed to its wide-open mouth. After that, she took her hand and flapped it like a beak, clearly trying to show that she wanted to talk.

"You…want to eat?"

Face palming, Squirtle growled in frustration as she showed the hand signals again, slower, hoping for the scientist to understand.

"Oh, you want to talk like me and other humans" Otacon inquired.

Squirtle rolled her eyes and nodded keenly. Otacon placed a hand under his chin and hummed as he tried to plot a scientific way of making Squirtle talk like a human. Then, and idea hit him like Peach slapping his cheek.

He got up and smiled. "You wait here Squirtle, while I build a machine that'll translate your speech to English!"

Squirtle jumped at joy like a raving fangirl. Otacon gave a satisfied grin and dashed out the Living Room while the Pokémon waited patiently.

* * *

><p>Squirtle moaned impatiently as she glanced up at the clock hanging above the doorframe. It's been at least forty-five minutes, and the scientist hasn't come back? Did it really take long to build a device that could translate speech to English? Screams of anger were heard and Squirtle saw Otacon fluing across the room, startling some of the Smashers that were talking and smashed at the wall. Zelda bellowed in like an angry bull and puffed.<p>

"Don't you dare try to find out the size of my underwear again, pervert!" Zelda shouted then sighed and turned to leave, muttering words that Squirtle could only catch. "I don't need another man to be my love interest…"

Squirtle was again surprised to day. Zelda is the calmest person in the mansion, up till today. But that wasn't important. She trotted over to Otacon and watched as he dizzily got up, swaying his head around. After a few seconds of gaining balance, Otacon got out a metal device that looked like braces.

"These will… translate your speech… to… English…" Otacon uttered and collapsed on the floor unconscious.

Squirtle took the braces and placed them on her white teeth. After that, she happily skipped away like a country girl, heading to Red's room to call Snake and discuss business for the love of her life, Bowser.

* * *

><p>Red quilts slammed down as Squirtle leapt on the bed and got out the phone. She got Snake's number from Red, who was planning to call someone that Squirtle didn't care about. Before Squirtle dialled the numbers, she thought for a moment. This would be very awkward to speak to a human as a Pokémon, especially to someone you never spoke to. But this was her only chance for love, especially for Bowser. She was the peasant and he was the noble. And they usually end up in the end of the story, right? So she called, awaiting the call.<p>

* * *

><p>Within a grey room, Snake puffed his cigar and glared with hate at his manager, Diddy Kong, who was now chained to the leg of the table.<p>

"You missed a spot" Snake sneered rapturously. This was such a pleasant thing to do, after what happened a day ago.

Diddy gulped and cleaned with a duster at the nearby wall. At first he thought he was a slave before, but now was DEFIANTLY a slave to this mercenary. Snake managed to hire some chains from a warehouse and chain the primate to the table, doing all his dirty work! True, Diddy could blast Snake, but he confiscated his weapons.

'_Damn, how did I get myself into this?' _Diddy thought unpleasantly, then his eyes flashed in anger. _'Oh yeah, it was that stupid bird, Falco!_'

"Once done, I want you to massage my feet" Snake ordered, watching Diddy like a hawk.

Soon the phone rang, and Snake took it. "**This is Snake, women expert, making sure you and your babe last forever"**

Diddy stared at him skeptically. How could he still be doing his job, knowing that he could be bashed like the other occasions?

Squirtle, desperately flicked through pages of a dictionary, trying to make a speech "**Hello… Snake… I… want to make a ca-ca-call**" She struggled as she spoke.

Snake stared in wonder and suspicion. This voice was one that Snake didn't recognize. It was sweet, but not as sweet as Peach, and it wasn't as ruff as Samus. She had a beautiful voice that Snake couldn't help but be drawn to it.

"**Hey babe, how can I help you?**"

Diddy watched in horror. Was Snake… flirting with a woman? He's tried it with Samus, thus almost killing himself. So, whom else could he be flirting with?

Squirtle, on the other hand, didn't catch the flirting, considering she doesn't know what flirting is "**I… ne-need advice for a man**"

"**Don't be shy, I'll help you,**" Snake chuckled seductively then leaned back on his chair. "**Is the man I by any chance?**"

"**N… No…**" Squirtle replied, trying to sound as kind as possible.

Within Snake, his heart shattered into million pieces while Diddy chuckled at his sadden and scandalized expression.

"**So… who is it?**" Snake questioned.

"**Bowser**" Squirtle stated with pride.

An awkward silence came between the phones. Squirtle became frighten for a moment. Did the phone break, oh no, then how was she going to get advice? After a few seconds, Snake spoke.

"… **Bowser, seriously?**" Snake uttered.

Squirtle nodded. "**Y-yes**"

"**Uh,**" Snake paused, thinking how the hell Bowser was more attractive than him. "**He's a giant turtle, or Koopa however you say it**"

This made Squirtle offended. "**Is that a… pr-problem?**" She questioned, her voice rising.

Snake gulped; the last thing he needed was a pissed off girl. "**Look I'm just saying he is,**" He paused, waiting for a response. No angry response came. "**But, I'll help you**"

Squirtle replied happily. Snake puffed a cigar and began to think. How do you hook a girl up with Bowser? Bowser never was into girls, other than Peach, but she never returned her feelings for him. Soon, an idea hit his head.

"**Dress up like a female Bowser, take him outside with force than sing a parody of 'Who's that Chick?' that I made up, which my manager will send while striping down to revile yourself to Bowser with the famous 'Happy Face' Icon on your chest**" Snake explained.

After a few seconds of silence, Squirtle replied 'yes'.

"**I'll also get my manager to send you a female Bowser suit at your room which is…?**"

"**R-Red's**" Squirtle told.

Snake narrowed his grey eyes in confusion. Why would she be in his room? Just to make a call. Then again, who was this girl? Soon he leaned in and puffed his cigar.

"**Might I know your name**" Snake asked.

Squirtle thought for a moment, thinking about the awkwardness that would follow. "**I'm Squirtle**" she clarified

Snake did a double take, his eyes widen like saucers. "**WHAT? YOU'RE A GIRL?**" He screamed and fell off his chair which Diddy chuckled at like at a circus.

Screeching and hissing greeted Squirtle, who just stared at the phone, waiting for a call. None came, so she shrugged and placed the phone away, sitting patiently like a solider for her delivery. While Snake on the other hand was too shock for words until he heard Diddy laughing like a manic which made him glare at the primate.

"I got a few jobs for you…" Snake told with a sneer.

* * *

><p>After twenty minutes of waiting a knock was heard at the door of Red's room. Squirtle lit her head then leapt at the handle and opened the door. As she landed on the ground, an invisible eyebrow raised as Diddy came in with the female Bowser clothes, a Happy Face Icon paper and the lyrics. Diddy grunted as he placed the equipment on the floor, panting for ordered him to go the long way much to Diddy's frustration. That mercenary was smarter than people gave credit for. Soon he left, uttering some curses. On the other hand, Squirtle examined the female Bowser costume with interest.<p>

It basically looked exactly like Bowser except with eyelashes, pink lipstick, red fingernails, hair falling down the shoulders and a jade shell. Soon Squirtle placed the costume over her body (After she put the Happy Face Icon on her chest) and she was within the suit. They had built in stilts so she could be tall and walk. With a smile under the masquerade, she took the lyrics and skipped out the room and down the corridors, frightening the life out of some Smashers.

* * *

><p>Bowser sat in the Gym, with arms crossed and a bored face. Nothing much has been going on for him; no matches for him, no action, no fans and so on. Perhaps he should go eat someone like Kirby... As he got up and turned he came face to face with a female Bowser. His eyes widen in shock and wonder about how the heck he got a gender bender version of himself.<p>

"Hi, I love you!" F. Bowser confessed.

Bowser shook his head quickly. "Now just a-"

But took the Koopa King's arm and dragged him down the corridors outside. Ike walked by and watched like a hawk as the 'couple' ran by. This made him angry and scream in frustration.

"Why can't I get a girl? Why does everyone including that damn, pretty boy Marth get them?"

took Bowser outside and giggled happily while Bowser just stared sceptically.

"Look, I don't know what's go-"

"Hush love" F. Bowser stated and got out the lyrics.

'_A song… for me?_' Bowser thought with scandalized eyes. No one was kind enough to make a song for Bowser, not even his kids. A sly smile appeared on his scaly face. Maybe this girl wasn't as bad as he thought-

"_Be, Be a whore. Move like a horse. It's like desertification so much corniness_

_Babies aren't cute, nor are mutes but loot! _

_Look I wanna make lo-lo-love_

_I don't know how to…_

_You're a random ugly dude_

_Disco hates you and you know it_

_Who's that ugly, who's that ugly?_

_Too hideous for you to kiss, too fast for you to keep up" _

-Or maybe not. Bowser had his mouth agape like a fish, which nearly hit the floor when F. Bowser strip down to revile a grinning Squirtle with the Happy Face Icon on her chest. All was quiet, only the wind interrupted the silence. Squirtle narrowed her eyes slightly.

"Is something wrong?"

Bowser growled madly and went Giga Bowser right before his number one fan. Squirtle squealed like a fangirl.

"Oh, I love it when you are in Giga form!" She admitted.

Before she knew it the ground shrink before her like taking your eyes off a microscope. Her azure head lit up to stare right into Giga Bowser's fearful eyes.

"YOU PLAYED MY HEART YOU STUPID POKÈMON!" He screamed like a titan.

Squirtle stared with tears in her eyes. But, wasn't this how you confess your love to someone? She didn't understand. With a sob she entered her shell in fear then Giga Bowser screamed.

"SCORE!" Then kicked the shell like at the AFL through the air.

Now the wind wasn't the only thing that cut the silence, but a screaming Squirtle was heard as she hurtled like a shooting star across the fields.

* * *

><p>Snake sat on his chair, smiling as he read 'You Know Your Sexy and They Know It' that he burrowed from Fox McCloud. Diddy came up to the mercenary and gave him a beer that he wished he poisoned, but couldn't find any poison. Brown eyes glanced at the magazine.<p>

''_You Know Your Sexy and They Know It? Why am I not surprised…' _Diddy thought sarcastically and bitterly.

Soon a metallic hiss was heard and the intercom came to life.

"_**I hate to say but Squirtle has been injured and now she is crying her heart out and trying to kill Bowser. I still don't know why, but we'll find out**_" Master Hand told on the intercom.

Snake smirked at the news while Diddy sighed thinking how evil this man was and how dumb Master Hand was, not knowing that it was Snake that broke Squirtle's heart.

* * *

><p>Author's Note: LOL, Snake got revenge on Squirtle for not knowing that he was flirting with a Pokemon XD! Request by <em>Autistic <em>for the Fem SquirtlexBowser couple. Sorry for the delay, please review and give me your suggestions :)!


	10. Chapter 10: ShadowxJigglypuff

Chapter 10: ShadowxJigglypuff

**Author's Note: THANK YOU FOR THE REVIEWS :)! Christmas is around the block, so there'll be Christmas themes in this chapter. Also, a note to reviewers: I take request, but don't just write 'Ike and Lyn', also tell if the chapter was good and funny, ok? Thank you, and enjoy! P.S, the song in the previous chapter was a parody of 'Who's That Chick?'.**

* * *

><p>Shadow sat glumly in the corner of the Lounge Room, his blood-coloured eyes eying Smashers such as Lucas and Nana getting ornaments for the Christmas tree planted near the sofa. The hedgehog never was into Christmas, too cheerful and too dramatic for him. Over the fifty years he lived, he never ever celebrated Christmas, not even on Space Colony ARK. All the joy he saw made him sadden from the lost of Maria. Joys like Lucas and Nana working on the tree, Peach bashing Otacon for being a pervert and Kirby eating happily. How was he supposed to celebrate if he had no one?<p>

Suddenly, Jigglypuff waddled in with a smile on her face. Some weird feeling was in Shadow's chest as he eyed the pink puffball. Truth be told, he was in love with her. Yes it was weird, but much more probable than Ganondorf for he is animal-like. Ever since he set eyes on her when in battle as a Trophy, he felt this sort of care and need of protection towards the Pokémon. So many times he felt about admitting his love towards her but there was a few problems; one was Ganondorf, who still was madly in love with Jigglypuff, two is Kirby, who always tried to constantly impress her since Melee and third was Shadow's reputation. Only his good friend, Samus knew about his affair. Samus was no expert in love, so she just told him to go for her. Yeah, and ruin his reputation.

"Jiggly, could you do us a favour and not sing this time of year?" Lucas asked as he glanced over the Christmas tree.

This mad Jiggly furious and roll hard on the tree, making it sway and fall on a screaming Lucas, Nana and Peach. Shadow chuckled deeply. Oh, how he loved her feistiness. That's it; with a sudden passion he got off the wall and dashed to his room, ready to make a call to Jigglypuff.

* * *

><p>In a matter of seconds Shadow reached the room and dialled the numbers without thinking. He and Snake got along, not as friends but as allies. Even though he'll probably mock him, Shadow will still want the advice.<p>

* * *

><p>Right at this very room, a certain monkey was descending into madness. Seriously, he should be in the Gunnies World Records for 'Standing Solid Snake'. He couldn't take it anymore; once he gets out he'll celebrate with the most number of bananas ever, to himself. Before he'd kill Falco. Snake on the other hand, was watching 'Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer' due to the fact that it was Christmas. Though he is a mercenary, his room was decorated with stencils, a miniature Christmas tree and stockings attached to the walls.<p>

"No, Rudolph don't leave!" Snake cried.

Diddy rolled his eyes. '_Wow, some legendary mercenary,' _He thought gloomily then realized. '_Wait, why aren't I celebrating Christmas with my friends?'_

As perusal, the phone went off and with a gasp, Snake turned off the TV and got hold of the phone and cleared his voice to sound gruff.

"**Merry Christmas and this here is Snake, women expert, making sure you and your babe last forever**"

Oh, how Shadow hated when people say 'Merry Christmas' randomly. "**This here is Shadow, the Ultimate Life Form**"

Snake rose and eyebrow in surprise. "**Ah, emo hedgehog; I didn't expect you to find love**"

Shadow snorted at the comment. "**I don't see you with any lover**"

Snake cringed and Diddy chuckled. '_How true…_' The primate thought.

With a cough, Snake continued calmly. "**Anyhow, I got a great deal for you; since it's Christmas I'll give you a free Santa hat!**"

'_I'll is more like I_' Diddy thought sombrely.

"**No, I just want some advice**" Shadow sighed impatiently.

"**And who's the unlucky girl**" Snake sneered.

Even if he was sarcastic, Shadow didn't comment on the quote. "**Why should you know?**"

"**Ah, hello? I need to know so I can advice on the girl's personality,**" Snake commented and leaned back on his chair. "**Some 'Ultimate Life Form'"**

Now that made Shadow furious. "**Listen here you stupid mercenary! I'm so amazing; I got more fangirls than you, I'm badass and I was made from a epic alien!**"

An awkward silence broke through the phone. What a wonderful Christmas this was for the both clones.

"…**Right, who's the girl?**" Snake questioned.

Reluctantly, Shadow answered. "**Jigglypuff**"

At the comment Snake cracked up laughing that he nearly fell off his chair. Even Diddy, who heard the comment, chortled at the news.

Shadow growled on the other line. "**Are you finished…?**"

Snake sighed to relax himself and wiped a tear and got the phone. "**It's just that the two most serious guys; you and Ganondorf are in love with a puffball is priceless!"**

"**JUST GIVE ME THE DAMN ADVICE AND I WON'T DESTROY YOU!**" Shadow screamed madly.

"**Sure, sure…**" Snake said then paused to think. Why not have a bit of fun on Christmas? "**Ok, I want you to dress up like Santa Claus; be big as him too because Jigglypuff likes Santa…**"

True, Jigglypuff never had any quarrels with believing in Santa so Shadow agreed.

"**Then flop around her like a fish and say 'AHAHA! AHAHA!' constantly until she looks confused then do the tango and chuck her at a tree so she feels like an angle!**" Snake finished.

An awkward silence came in. Shadow was sceptical about the fact. Was this really how you confess love to someone on Christmas?

"**I'll get my manager to get you the Santa clothes at your room,**" Snake added then sneered. "**And have a Merry Christmas…**"

After that quote the phone went dead before Shadow could ask his question regarding his confession to Jigglypuff. With a snort, he lowered the phone and waited.

* * *

><p>About five minutes later Diddy came in with a Santa suit that had an inflatable stomach to make anyone big. Shadow raised an eyebrow as the ape lowered it.<p>

"That's all?" Shadow questioned.

Diddy nodded then left the area in a rush. Soon the emo hedgehog raised the suit and eyed it with his red eyes curiously. Defiantly look like Santa Claus; also came in with white beard. With a shrug, Shadow put on the suit.

* * *

><p>When the suit was placed on, Shadow looked around the corridors, aware of some Smashers staring at him in horror and clearly flabbergasted. That didn't matter, for his mission was to find Jigglypuff. When he walked to the Lounge, he saw the familiar, green-eyed, pink puffball, who had just finished the tree that was placed back up along with Peach, Lucas and Nana . With a sly smile, Shadow approached. Lucas was the first to notice the black hedgehog that marched with pride.<p>

Lucas tugged the helm of the collar to Nana. "Hey, who's that?"

Nana turned and both Peach and Jiggly turned and saw some figure that looked like Santa; even had a white beard. As the figure approached, Peach eyed the figure and realized who it was.

"…Shadow…?" She uttered curiously.

A nod cane from the Santa-dressed Shadow. Everyone stared at him with derp face expressions. Before Jiggly knew she was snatched by the hands by Shadow who took a breath.

"Jigglypuff… I need to tell you something…" Shadow admitted.

Jiggly eyed him in wonder. Was he going… to admit love? Wow, she never had that type of experience before (well, with Ganondorf but to her it didn't count). Suddenly, Shadow collapsed on the floor, making the Smashers gasp in worry. In three seconds, Shadow was splashing around like that worthless fish Pokémon (You know which one) while making 'AHAHA', 'AHAHA' noises. No one knew what to say, but only to stare at the idiotism and randomness that Santa-dressed Shadow was sharing.

After circling Jiggly, the black hedgehog got up then did the tango, which made Jiggly gasp as she was taken off the floor. With a few twists and twirls Shadow chucked Jigglypuff at the Christmas tree. Jigglypuff screamed as she impacted the tree that began to fall on Nana who screamed in fright as for the second time the tree fell on her. Once the tree fell, Lucas gasped in fright.

"Nana!" He called worryingly and went over to her.

Shadow just blinked then turned to Peach. "Was my love confession good?"

"A-ha!" An angry, gruff voice called.

Shadow turned and saw a rather angry looking Gerudo come up to him. In a swipe he grasped the hedgehog's neck and glared like a demon.

"So you're the one trying to steal my love you Santa-look-alike creep!" Ganondorf growled like a jaguar.

Shadow snorted. "Why would she love you? You got no looks or brains"

This made Ganondorf furious and grip the hedgehog's neck even more. "How dare you, you peasant!"

"No, Jigglypuff's mine!" A childish voice screamed.

Before Ganondorf saw it a red shoe kicked his jaw hard and he lost his grip on Shadow's neck. Ganondorf stumbled on the floor with a grunt to see Kirby directly on his chest with an angry look.

"I've loved her since Melee and you won't take her away from me!" Kirby told with determination.

Kirby was soon punched hard by Shadow (who still wore the clothes) and slammed into a wall. Kirby shook the rubble and glared at Shadow and Ganondorf.

"This is war!" He told.

"Indeed!" Ganondorf agreed as he got up from the floor and dusted himself

"You're both toast!" Shadow added.

All three warriors charged with loads of kicks, punches, bites, pinches and flicks. Peach just watched not believing what she was seeing along with Nana and Lucas. Jigglypuff was unconscious, but Peach knew that she'd be equally shocked. Ganondorf backed at a wall and screamed.

"SUPER SAYIAN!"

A dark aura covered his body like a mist and soon the once bulky man was replaced with a gigantic, red-haired, pupil-less eyes, black warthog, Ganon. With a growl, Ganon charged with full speed. Shadow's costume was too heavy so he couldn't dodge and Kirby was too petrified.

Both screamed and hugged each other as the killer tusks impacted them. All three smashed the wall of the mansion and fell into the garden, head hard making the Smashers unconscious including the clumsy Ganon who hit his head on a rock after he impacted Shadow and Kirby. From the mansion, Peach, Nana (still stuck under the tree) and Lucas watched in utter shock and disbelief. Zelda walked past the Lounge Room doorframe and noticed the three fallen Jigglypuff-lover Smashers and snorted.

"Now Jiggly knows how I feel!" Zelda stated.

Then voices were heard and the Hylian Princess turned to see Link, Marth and Sonic fighting over each other to reach her. With a scream, the princess ran as fast as she can to avoid her lovers. Peach watched this and sighed in frustration.

Some Christmas this was…

* * *

><p>Back at a certain grey room, Snake puffed on the cigar and heard about the news about the three unconscious Smashers that 'destroyed Christmas'. This made the clone chuckle sadistically. Serves them right. Before he could puff on another cigar a red-wrapped present was shoved up to his face. He glanced over and saw an innocent smiling Diddy Kong. Snake smiled at this.<p>

"Merry Christmas to you, Diddy" Snake stated.

In lighting-speed, Snake began to rip his present like a carcass and what he got was a… BOOM! The mercenary screamed as he was shot out the ceiling and flying away like a shooting star, screaming. Diddy watched from the hole on the ceiling and sneered and waved playfully to the mercenary that vanished in the distance. His gift was a bomb that was kindly 'donated' by Wolf. But the present for Falco was something even deadlier…

'_Oh, a Merry Christmas indeed_" Diddy laughed darkly.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: What was the deadly present that Diddy gave to Falco? Well, we'll never know -3-. Anyhow, Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all including from the Smashers :). A bit of LucasxNana. Chapter requested by <strong>_**Onyx Da Rager.**_


	11. Chapter 11: ROBxSamusxFox

Author's Note: I've been busy during Christmas and New Year. Anyway this is another love triangle! Requested of R.O.B by __ooPikaBoltoo__ and FoxxSamus by _Scissorsroid Luka._ Enjoy and thank you all for the wonderful reviews. Up to 40 :)!

Chapter 11: ROBxSamusxFox

* * *

><p>R.O.B is described as a useless, scrap and monotone robot to the Smashers. Then again, every robot is monotone. R.O.B never mind the insults, they never hurt him due to the fact that he felt nothing on the inside. Only time he felt a pang of emotion was when he felt sorrow to his companions. That hit him like a baseball bat into someone's face. But that wasn't just the only time he felt emotion. There was something called 'love' that crept in like Phazon corrupting Samus.<p>

Speaking of corruption, the figure was none other than the great, Samus Aran. Whenever R.O.B was around he felt that pang in his circuits and knew it was the feeling 'love'. Samus seemed ok around him; both were antisocialists and never really spoke about themselves to anyone at all both in the mansion and out side the mansion. Maybe that's why he loved her.

Though it was embarrassing, because a few times when he sees her without the Zero Suit his inside circuits explode and he is shut down thus bringing in the technical crew to solve things thus Master Hand paying more money for fixing him. Master Hand didn't like R.O.B for that. Another situation involved him was thinking that Samus was a robot like him due to her Varia Suit so he had an interest in her.

Still, even though she wasn't a robot he still felt the feeling of 'love'. So, how was he going to confess? True, robots have a better knowledge of life but not emotions especially love. He's heard about the dial Snake for women advice thing but wasn't sure if it were a good idea. Snake never really socialized or even spoke once to the robot. Still, if it were the only way R.O.B would go to his room and make the call…

* * *

><p>R.O.B reached the room and his camera eyes flashed blue. Right now he was in Phone Mode, a mode that allowed him to communicate with anyone, anywhere. All the numbers for Snake were imprinted in his head. Before he called something bothered him. Something that really bothered him since he came into his room. Why the heck did he come to his room if he could have communicated through his head? Great a moron robot, something new indeed…<p>

* * *

><p>"Good; thanks to you I should be getting more calls" Snake grunted in acknowledgement, glancing up.<p>

Marth was now a new assistant to Snake and a posser. Apparently (to Snake) Snake hasn't been getting many calls due to complaint from other Smashers and of his 'gay commercial'. So, with 'negotiating' with Master Hand or more like black mail to Diddy who still worked for Snake, Marth joined the crew and did posses for the cameras and for a new add. Marth was shirtless, doing the Nutcracker and other hippie like dances near a pink back round that shown with red hearts, phones and what seemed to be a grinning Snake or Troll Face to some. Diddy did the recording and showed it to everyone on the screens.

"Why am I doing this again?" Marth called while practicing his dances.

'_To embarrass you_' Snake thought with a sly sneer but said. "It's the chance to get more viewers to dial me for women advice. Girls like you for some reason, and they LOVE shirtless guys," He paused with a grin. "And it's the only way to impress Zelda"

A sudden gleam entered Marth's eyes. "For Zelda, I'll keep dancing like a hippie!"

'_Love-struck moron…_' Diddy thought with a mental sigh.

As predictable (even on budget circumstances) the phone rang and Snake picked it up and placed it to his ear.

"**This is Snake, women expert, making sure you and your babe last forever**" Snake spoke with his usual quote.

Unexpectedly, Marth shoved Snake off his chair and snatched the phone.

"**Zelda darling is that you? Oh it's me, sexy-dynamite Marth here to ask your hand in marriage!**" Marth spoke in a sing-along voice.

"**Negative, this is R.O.B and I wish to speak to Snake…**" R.O.B stated.

Marth gave a sad scream and sobbed over the phone. Sighing, Diddy came up to the prince and patted his back and showed him to the mop at the corner and pointed him to mop the floor for him. Snake growled and made curses about Marth but got up on the chair and called.

"**This here is Snake**"

"**Greeting there, clone Snake; I am R.O.B or Ancient Minister as you prefer, the one who tried to destroy you during the Subsp-**" R.O.B explained but was cut off.

"**Seriously, must all fricking robots go through details that I already know?** **You sound like Fi from 'The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword'…" **Snake stated as a matter-of-fact.

"**I can't identify this 'Fi' you speak of**" R.O.B admitted.

Snake slapped his forehead. When the hell did a robot ask for love advice and for who? A Miss Minister?

"**Who's this… lover of yours?**" Snake asked, trying to sound calm and patient.

"**Samus Aran, famous Bounty Hunter, major menopausal girl in her recent game, Phazon fighter, real version of Dark Samus-**"R.O.B went on, unaware that Snake wasn't listening but thinking.

First Luigi, now a fricking robot was in love with Samus? Wow, Snake felt quite sorry for her; she should deserve men like him not a scaredy cat or a monotone, simpleton robot. So, how was going to advice a robot that may see through his tricks? Rubbing, his chin Snake thought deeply then an idea hit him-

"Nice try Diddy…" Snake spoke.

Diddy swore. He was over Snake's chair with a baseball bat and the clone noticed him!

-Or nearly hit him…

"**-And the adoptive child of the Chozo…**" R.O.B finished finally.

"**Great to already know,**" Snake paused sarcastically. "**Anyhow, listen well robot and do EXACTLY as I say, got it?**"

"**Affirmative**"

"**I want you to go to the Playboy Mansion and meet up with a friend of mine. But before you do I want you to dress up like a girl; like Samus to show how beautiful she is. Don't forget the fake boobs that Diddy will bring. While you head to the mansion do a commercial and sing the lyrics Diddy will give you!**" Snake explained all together.

There was an awkward silence, something that Snake got use to. Then R.O.B spoke.

"**I calculate that it's a 1% that I'll suc-**" R.O.B spoke.

"**I KNOW MORE ABOUT WOMEN YOU DO SO SHUT UP AND GO!**" Snake swore and cut the phone line.

R. there in confusion then with a shrug waited for Diddy to come.

Snake glared over at Diddy with a huge smirk on his face. Diddy swore again and went to get the equipment for R.O.B…

* * *

><p>As Diddy walked through the mansion with fake boobs, lyrics and girl clothing, Smashers kept eyeing him, especially a disturbed Roy. Wolf laughed hard at the poor, embarrassed chimp.<p>

"Are you following the lead of your transvestite lover over there?" Wolf mocked.

Everyone laughed at Diddy and Roy who cowered away from the crowds. Now this made Diddy have a dark look. This was all Snake and Falco's bloody fault! Wait till he gets his revenge!

* * *

><p>R.O.B noticed Diddy bring in the clothing over to the corner. R.O.B scanned the clothing and lyrics then nodded.<p>

"**Confirmed clothing and lyrics…**"

"**Good,**" Diddy paused. R.O.B was built for any language including chimps so he could understand Diddy perfectly well. Soon Diddy gave a dark chuckle. "**Now I will have my revenge**!"

Then Diddy laughed like an evil maniac out the door. R.O.B watched in amazement but proceeded in putting his clothes on.

* * *

><p>Fox McCloud was well known in the Lylat System and in the Smash Mansion. After all, he was one of the legendary 12 Smashers who came together due to Master Hand and formed the 'galaxy-nationally', Super Smash Bros. Fox was also known as a nice hybrid and one of the fastest in the mansion. The usual carefree hybrid was sitting at his room with a sad look. His eyes stared at the picture of his beloved, Krystal. Fox broke up with her, just so that she could be safe but now he regretted it. Never again will he find love like her never a-<p>

"Hey Fox, Samus is coming without her Varia Suit!" Falco called.

Fox gave a perverted giggle and skipped away, letting go off his picture of his 'never again to be loved girlfriend'. As Fox skipped down the stairs he paused at the third step and noted the blond bounty hunter. Perhaps Fox did have a crush on her that started to develop. Both two space warriors got along quite fine, all though there were some moments when she scowled at him due to 'accidently' heading into the shower when she was there. Perhaps Fox could fall in love again. But how was he going to confess to the toughest girl in the mansion? Before he could think a commercial popped up on the huge screen and it showed Marth near a pretty pink back round doing some dances singing.

'_Dial Snake for Women Advice, Dial Snake for Women Advice_

_He'll give you the advice you need_

_For all the boy indeed_

_He'll give you a long, lasting relationship_

_On a totally different ship_

_So come on dudes and transvestites like Roy_

_Grab yourself a gal _

_So-_

_Dial Snake for Women Advice, Dial Snake for Women Advice!'_

Once the commercial ended Fox stared in wonder, completely unaware that Roy was having anger issues at his friend Falco; bashing him, smashing him and throwing him at his arch-enemy Wolf. Maybe dialling for Snake was the key to solving his love problem! Dashing to his room he noticed a depressed looking Luigi at his door wearing a black cloak. Noticed plumber looked up and raised his hand.

"Beware… beware of the hunter…" He spoke in a gloomy, dark voice.

Fox blinked then shrugged then shoved Luigi out his way. As Luigi hit the wall, he pointed.

"She'll murder you-"

But Fox already shut the door at the gloomy Luigi. Luigi stared in shock and snorted as he got up.

"I was trying to help!" He yelled and slammed his cloak to the ground and walked away with a huff.

* * *

><p>Fox got the phone and the card used to dial Snake. How he got the card was unknown, but the hybrid dialled the number and waited for Snake to call.<p>

* * *

><p>"Where is that chimp?" Snake inquired impatiently. It's been about twenty-five minutes and the chimp hasn't arrived. Where was he?<p>

Marth shrugged, still forced to do his dancing. "Maybe he's off with some girl" He suggested.

"Highly unlikely" Snake snorted then the phone rang.

The mercenary picked it up and spoke. "**This is Snake, women expert, making sure you and your babe last forever**"

"**Greeting Snake, it's Fox McCloud here**" Fox greeted warmly.

Snake lit up his eyes. Fox wasn't the type of guy to easily get angry unlike Ganondorf or Mario so perhaps Snake could make it out alive from this call.

"**Hello to you too Fox; how can I help?**"

Even though the question was rhetorical, the hybrid answered. "**I need women advice for a certain girl**"

Snake soon became nervous. Recently he heard about his break up with Krystal so maybe advising may be difficult.

"**Look, I'm sorry what happened about Krystal-**" Snake said but was cut off.

"**AAAHHAHAHA!**" Fox cried over the phone.

'_Oh shit_' Snake thought then stammered. "**B-but I can still help out…?**"

Fox cried then admittedly stopped. "**Actually it's not Krystal but someone else**"

'_Whoa, major mood swings' _"**Then who?**"

"**It's Samus**" Fox told.

Snake growled behind the phone. Why was every guy after Samus? Sammy-Baby clearly belonged to him and no one else in the mansion or any galaxy! Then there's R.O.B, but he'll be a laughing stock soon enough but how was he going to deal with Fox? Then, an idea hit him.

"Marth, don't even think of tazering me" Snake warned.

Marth grumbled and let go of the Tazer and went back to his hippie dancing. Oh, Snake's idea was electrifying.

"**Listen carefully with those massive ears of yours to what I'm about to say**" Snake began.

"**Yes, big ears are the latest fashion**" Fox spoke with pride.

"**Whatever; I want you to wear a yellow afro and a purple dress that Marth will get for you. Then you'll take Samus to the Living Room, every five seconds throwing her on the floor on the way. When there, activate the Wii and play 'Metroid: Other M' while watching channel 32**" Snake explained.

On the other side of the phone, Fox had a poker face on. Really, was this seriously going to work and allow Samus to love him?

"**Uh, why an afro out of all hairstyles? Why throw her every five seconds and why watch channel 32?**" Fox catechise.

"**BECAUSE I KNOW LOVE AND I'VE SEEN IT EVERYWHERE INCLUDING PONEYVILLE!**" Snake yelled then got off the phone.

Fox just stared at the phone and waited for Marth.

* * *

><p>Marth came by the room, grumbling about the fact that people kept calling him 'Cross-dresser Marth' or 'Pretty she-male' for that matter and the fact the he seriously regrets working for Snake. Once Marth left the room, he ran down the corridor after Zelda who slammed a frying pan that she borrowed from peach at his face, Fox got dressed.<p>

* * *

><p>R.O.B (wearing the clothing given to by Diddy) rolled over to a black gate with the infamous black bunny face on. It took him only fifteen minutes to reach the gate due to Meta Knight lending him the <em>Halberd<em>. When Meta Knight asked why R.O.B replied emotionlessly 'It's the way for the ladies to see my good looks' which made Meta Knight feel awkward and wanting the robot to leave. That's why he lend the ship. Hissing and screeching was heard from the speaker and a voice spoke.

"_This here is the Owner of Playboy Mansion, how may I help you?_"

"I want to advertise for Playboy and for a specific girl" R.O.B replied.

"_How do you describe yourself?_"

"As a sexy-Samus-like girl robot" R.O.B explained.

After three seconds of silence the voice replied. "_Ok, you may come in Miss…?"_

"R.O.B"

Soon the onyx gates opened and R.O.B dashed through the brown earth onto the steps of the mansion. Clicking the doorbell, the door opened to revile Bootler, a Boo resembling a… butler.

"Miss R.O.B I presume?" Bootler inquired.

"Confirmed" R.O.B classified.

"Please come in and follow me" Bootler advised and turned away.

As R.O.B followed Bootler, he glanced around his surrounding and noticed girls dressed in the casual Playboy Bunny clothes were flirting some Boos who giggled at their confront. As they approached, Bootler turned to the robot.

"Pay respects to the master and speak with a sexy, flirty voice" Bootler advised.

"Confirmed; activate sexy, flirty voice…" R.O.B nodded.

Soon Bootler opened the door and R.O.B entered the ruby-gold decorated room. At the very end of the room was the infamous and archenemy to Luigi, King Boo, sharing his throne with a bunch of girls both human and boo. Ruby eyes locked onto the two guests at his door

"What do you want Bootler?" King Boo demanded.

"Miss R.O.B wishes to join Playboy and advertise your Horniness" Bootler explained casually.

"Oh," King Boo paused and glanced over to R.O.B. "So your Miss R.O.B? Quite a catch I must say"

R.O.B felt a sudden awkwardness come through but replied in the new voice. "Thank you, King Boo"

King Boo gave a chuckle and clapped his hands, allowing all the girls to swatter away like flied to dung. Then he flew over behind R.O.B and placed a hand over his shoulder.

"So, how can I help you?"

* * *

><p>Fox walked over to where Samus was. Currently she was at the staircase talking to Shadow the Hedgehog with a smile on her face. There have been rumours that the two liked each other but Fox wasn't convinced. With a deep breath, Fox skipped over and shoved Shadow aside and placed his elbow on the rail.<p>

"Oh, hi Samus, how you been girlfriend?" Fox started.

Samus blinked in utter flabbergast but replied as friendly and calmly as possible. "Uh, great thanks Fox. And why are you dressed like a person in the 80's?"

With his fury hand, Fox took Samus hand and said. "I need to show you a game on the Wii" he finished and started walking.

Samus seemed slightly pleased by the idea. "Oh, is it Dead Space I-" Before she could finish she was thrown to the ground hard.

With a grunt and a shook of her head Samus glared up at Fox. "What in the name of fricking authorization was that for?"

Fox ignored her and helped her up. As the two walked once again Fox slammed her to the ground.

"Are you a sexiest or something?" She demanded.

Helping her up again, Samus fast walked to the Living Room but after five seconds was slammed again onto the floor. She got up and strangled Fox's throat.

"WHAT THE HECK IS YOUR FRICKING PROBLEM?" She screamed, shaking him from side to side.

"You'll… see on the… Wii" Fox chocked.

Samus threw Fox at the Wii madly and sat on the couch with a huff. Fox looked for the disc for 'Metroid: Other M' and placed it into the Wii. Once done, Fox went over and sat next to Samus with Wii remote in hand.

"What game is this?" Samus asked, her voice much calmer than before.

"You'll see" Fox told.

Once he pressed the channel, he pressed START and the game commenced. As Samus watched her eyes widen in horror. It was her worst nightmare (besides dating Ridley). 'Metroid: Other M', the game that made her a menopausal, emotional, sex-toy girl. As she watched the cut scenes with her eyes in shock, hair being ripped by her hands and swearing the biggest words you can think of at Adam, Fox toyed with the remote and pressed channel 32.

"Here's a channel I want you to watch" Fox told.

'_Anything but this!_' Samus thought and turned her head quickly to the TV screen.

A bunny bounced from the right and then all its body beside its head appeared on the screen with 'Playboy' written below it. Soon after the bunny flashed and then two girls and a female dressed R.O.B appeared. Samus chocked on her own saliva and Fox watched with eyes raised like plates. Lyrics appeared below with the Playboy Bunny bouncing after each lyric was sung.

'_Sammy-Baby, you're the one with Dat Ass!_

_You're the girl who people would 'Other her M'!_

_You are the one who'll start doing humping on the helmet (Yeah)!_

_Not to mention have a wonderful PMS time (Yeah)!_

_Sammy-Baby, you're the Playgirl who'll sing!_

_Dat Ass ain't yours for the keepin!_

Fox turned slowly to Samus who's mouth was agape like a fish, unaware of saliva dripping down like a hungry dog. With a gulp Fox began.

"Uh, Samus?" He spoke calmly.

Samus dangerously turned to Fox with a dark look and a glare that could outmatch any monster like a ReDead. With a yell, she charged at Fox with her Plasma Whip. Fox screamed like a tortured figure.

* * *

><p>"So, he was beaten by Samus due to some disturbing videos and sexual harassment?" Dr. Mario questioned with billboard in hand.<p>

Peach nodded. It was she who first heard the screaming and helped out Fox before Samus would horribly murder him. Others just stood their shocked and running away screaming like little girls or laughing at the scene before. Blue eyes darted at the shivering, frightened hybrid before her on the bed.

"That's what Samus told me with huge malice in her voice. But Fox wasn't the only one she was mad at"

"Oh?" Dr. Mario uttered, glancing up from his billboard to Peach.

"It was also at R.O.B" She added.

The doctor hummed at thought then sighed. "Well then," He paused and glanced over at Fox. "Fox had around twenty-two broken bones, sixty muscles pulled, a broken nose, lost of fur, kneed in the groin and pocked in the eyes"

"How… harsh but it's hard to say if he deserved it" Peach said.

"Judging by you Fox," He paused when Fox stared up the doctor. "You're charged by sexual harassment and watching Playboy"

"NOOOOO!" Fox screamed and started to break down in a sob.

Peach gave a mad sigh. "I've seen many weird things happen last year and things aren't getting better"

"How true" Dr. Mario agreed with a nod.

* * *

><p>"Can I leave now?" R.O.B asked.<p>

"Why rush?" King Boo asked, approached closer to R.O.B. "We're just starting to get to know each other"

"Your Horniness, the job was only temporarily" Bootler stated.

"I'm the King, not you!" King Boo growled then turned to R.O.B with a smile. "But you can share your 'moves' to me"

"Negative, I must leave right now"

"Wait a minute…" King Boo paused and raised an invisible eyebrow. "Are you a boy or girl?"

"Technically speaking, none but I'm-"

"Then we'll make you a girl!" King Boo declared then turned to Bootler. "Bootler, take her to her new room"

"As you wish your Horniness" Bootler nodded then floated away.

King Boo's ruby eyes gleamed at R.O.B. "Now, we're finally alone…"

If R.O.B could gulp, he would…

* * *

><p>Snake recently heard about the news about Fox sexually and mentally harassing Samus and the fact that R.O.B has officially joined Playboy. This made the clone fall off his chair and laugh hysterically.<p>

"Oh gosh, this is priceless!" He uttered, wiping a tear from his eye.

"Aren't you forgetting something?" Marth asked.

Snake looked up from his fallen position. "What?"

"Diddy Kong?"

"Oh yeah," He paused solemnly and got up. "Where did that chimp go anyway?"

"Can I retire and head home?" Marth begged.

"No, but since Diddy isn't here you'll be my new manager!" Snake declared with a grin.

"Oh, no!" Marth cried

* * *

><p>Meanwhile somewhere in the mansion the sound of hissing and crackling was heard. Diddy wore a protective mask around him. Currently, he was working on his revenge. Revenge on Snake. All the noise was cut and Diddy took of his mask and gave a dark smirk.<p>

"It is complete!" He stated then gave a dark, maniacal laugh.

* * *

><p><strong>Author's Note: Longest chapter in this story! What is this 'revenge' that Diddy has planned? Find out in the next chapter and keep on reviewing! I would love to see another love triangle :D! Also: sorry to say but no more pairing Samus or Zelda.<strong>


	12. Chapter 12: CharizardxFalco

Author's Note: Pairing by _Autistic. _We'll also see some… revenge in this chapter ;D!

Chapter 12: FalcoxCharizard and Diddy's Revenge!

* * *

><p>Falco, ace pilot of the Star Fox team was currently walking outside the Smash Mansion with his mind clouded with stress. Nothing much was happening around the mansion besides the fact that R.O.B has officially joined Playboy or Playboo and that Donkey Kong was returning from his trip. No, he wasn't stressed because he was going up against Lucario in the next match or that he had to buy a Birthday present for Peach.<p>

It was a girl...

Falco hasn't told anyone at all, not even his friend Fox that he had a girlfriend due to the girl being… different. Everything about her was divine to Falco. Orange scales that reminded him of priceless amber; wings so elegant like an eagle and strength that matches Bower. This unexpected figure was Charizard.

Yes, Charizard is female just like Squirtle. That made Falco wonder if Ivysaur was a boy that would make him a Pokemon pimp. Funny story how Falco found out that Charizard is female. It all started when he when he 'accidently' walked into the female bathroom only to find Charizard taking a shower.

That night people thought they had fried chicken. But still, that was when Falco saw the true beauty and strength of that Pokémon. So, how was he going to confess his love to Charizard without embarrassing himself or screwing up? Humming soon broke his whirlpool of thoughts. Donkey Kong appeared over the hill that Falco was currently on, with luggage at hand. When the Kong noticed Falco he gave his casual toothy smirk and waved his free hand.

"_**Hello Falco, how you been?**_" Donkey questioned. Since both figures are animal related they understood each other perfectly well.

Falco gave a sly smile. "I've been fine! How was your vacation?"

A sudden spark in Donkey Kong's eyes flashed and the gorilla was still as a statue.

* * *

><p><em>Isle Delfino was a place defined as 'paradise'. Everything about it was flawless; structure, destinations, people, music, festivals, everything was so grand. Donkey Kong lay on the bronze sand of the mini beach near the stall market with sunglasses covering his brown eyes. Just before he arrived he went to the Delfino Inn and bought the island's favourite, Coconut-Pineapple Juice. Absolutely divine, so Donkey Kong traded all his bananas back at home with barrels filled with those juices. <em>

_As he enjoyed the beach, he heard screaming coming from the square. Curious, Donkey Kong got up and trotted over to the square. What he saw horrified him. There were dead bodies everywhere, or to be précised, skinless bodies of the locals. This made the Kong shiver and vomit at the sight. A figure appeared to be skinning one now. _

_This figure was clad in a metal fishnet suit with a skull-like mask with dreadlocks sticking out. The figure turned and glared at Donkey. Donkey gulped as the figure 'disappeared' out of sight. As he looked around, Donkey barley dodged the talons of the figure that sliced at his tie. Donkey yelped and knew the figure had the ability to camouflage. With a scream, the Kong ran straight away like on a gun signal at the Olympics and the creature followed, playing a deadly game of hide and seek._

* * *

><p>"DK? Donkey Kong?" Falco repeated.<p>

With a shake of the head, Donkey snapped and turns to Falco with a reassuring smile.

"_**Sorry, what was it you asked Falco?**_"

"How was your vacation?" Falco repeated, a bit impatiently.

"_**Great,**_" Donkey Kong lied. "_**How has Diddy been?**_"

An invisible sneer appeared on Falco's feathery face. "Oh, he's volunteered to work with Snake"

"_**For what might I know?**_" Donkey inquired curiously.

"Assistant Manager. Snake's doing this 'call me for women advice' business thing, so Diddy works as his manager!" Falco explained then gave a chortle. "But Diddy hates it!"

Donkey stared at him sceptically. "_**If Diddy hates his job why doesn't he just run away?**_"

"No can do," Falco paused. "Because he signed a deal to the big hand"

"_**Right,**_" Donkey Kong said, rubbing his peachy temple. "_**Well, I'll be seeing you Falco**_" With that said, Donkey began his slow pace to the mansion.

Falco turned and pointed to the Kong's hairy back. "By the way. I noticed that your tie was sliced. Did some mad chef attempted murder on you?" He joked.

Donkey Kong screamed like a girl and dashed to the mansion, out of Falco's sight. The hybrid blinked then shrugged. An idea soon hit him during the conversation. Perhaps he could call Snake for women advice. But Fox begged Falco never to call along with others. Yet Falco was no wuss, so he was going to make that call! So the hybrid sprinted over to the mansion, heading over to his room to make the call.

* * *

><p>As the hybrid falcon reached the room a lot of thoughts were going on within his head like a whirlpool. Such as: what should he say; will this destroy my ego; did I bring sexy back and how the heck he forgot to go to the toilet and pissed his pants. All these (in his view) was relevant. Once he got into a new pair of pants he dashed over and reached to the phone. Then he dialled and jumped on the bed, awaiting his call…<p>

* * *

><p>"Seriously, where is that damn chimp?" Snake demanded aiming a dart.<p>

Marth yelped as the dart was shot under his armpit. Currently he was sticky tapped to the wall, where darts were scattered everywhere like ants.

"I don't know, I don't know! I swear for my love towards Zelda I don't!" He said frighteningly.

A grunt came from the clone. "Well someone's got to find him ASAP before I'll lend you to Jigsaw!"

Blue eyes widen in scandalize and fear. "No, no, no! Anything but that psycho path!"

"An army of raving Fanboys you prefer?" Snake questioned with a raised eyebrow.

This silenced the prince. After a few seconds he whispered loud enough for Snake to hear. "I'd prefer Jigsaw"

"Good" Snake smiled and was about to aim that dart at Marth's crotch but the phone rang.

Marth sighed in relief. '_Save by the phone…'_

"**This is Snake, women expert, making sure you and your babe last forever**" Snake greeted as perusal.

"**Ah Snake; this here is Falco, the greatest pilot you could ever ask for!**"

"**Can you ride a Metal Gear?**"

Falco paused for a second. "**Uh, no but-**"

"**What about a motor bike?**"

"**No, but-**"

"**How about a-**"

"**SHUT UP! I AM THE BEST ACE PILOT FOR ARWINGS! NOTHING ELSE DAMNIT!**" Falco shouted in agitation.

Snake clutched the phone away from him due to the squawking of the hybrid. After he calmed down Snake went back to the phone.

"**Some great pilot you are,**" Snake muttered and before Falco would create another fit he added. "**So how can I help you?**"

"**Obviously for the love of my life you moron**" Falco snorted.

"**At least I'm the better pilot…**" Snake mumbled.

"**NO YOU'RE NOT! FINE, IF YOU WON'T HELP ME THEN CHALLENGE ME TO A BRAWL!**" Falco screamed madly.

Snake growled in frustration. Never had he had a caller who was this agitated and egotistical. An idea hit Snake. The clone got off his chair and walked over to Marth, who was now whimpering in fear. Snake detached the sticky tape and chucked Marth at his chair. A loud crash was heard along with a screaming prince. Groaning was heard as Marth sat up then turned to Snake in wonder.

"You give Falco the advice for his women" Snake ordered.

"Me, but why-"

"Oh, do you want me to get Jigsaw for you?" Snake inquired, taping his chin in thought.

"Ah, I'll do it!" Marth replied quickly and held the phone to his ear. "**Hi, this here is Marth, the hottest prince around, ready to help!**"

Falco raised his eyebrows and growled. "**Where the heck is that bloody mercenary?**" He muttered dangerously.

"**Uh, well,**" Marth turned, aware of Snake glaring at him then turned back. "**Currently his mom has came over and the two haven't seen each other in a while!**" He laughed nervously.

"**Right…**" Falco muttered but went back to the topic at hand. "**So can you help me or not?**"

"**Tell me about your girl!**" Marth stated.

Falco gulped behind the phone and muttered. "**I wouldn't want to tell it in front of a gay prince like you…**"

Marth gave a scandalized gasp, his mouth whimpering. "**I'm not a gay prince! Why can't you tell me? IS IT BECAUSE I DIDN'T REALSE MY INNER PONY YET?**"

That last comment made Falco go 'WTH'. "**Because you'll laugh at me, moron!**"

"**No I won't; prince's honour!**" Marth denied.

With an agitated sigh, Falco mumbled. "**It's Charizard; who's female might I add**"

All Falco could hear was the hysteric laughter from the blue-haired prince. As the laughing continued, Falco wondered curiously.

'_Prince's honour, my foot…!'_

"**IF YOU DON'T STOP LAUGHING I'LL SMASH YOUR SO CALLED PRETTY FACE AND DANGLE IT IN FRONT OF ZELDA!**" Falco screamed through the phone.

Marth squealed then dashed to Snake and passed the phone. "He's gonna kill me!"

"Better than me that's for sure," Snake sneered at the whimpering puppy-faced Marth, but regardless took the phone. "**So I hear its Charizard**"

"**Well if it isn't the damn clone who spoke with his 'mother'," **Falco sarcastically remarked. "**Yes, so hurry up and tell me what to do or I'll smash you**"

"**What a kind request…**" Snake mumbled sarcastically.

As the mercenary leaned against his chair, his mind pondered to the 'winged couple'. Since Falco was rude and even threatened him, he'd thought he'd have a bit of fun with the hybrid. A smirk appeared on the man's face.

"**Listen well Falco, otherwise I'll pair Diddy with Charizard**" Snake said.

"**You wouldn't dare!**"

"**Alright, here goes,**" Snake began. "**I want you to shave all your feathers and-"**

"**Whoa, whoa, whoa! I am NOT shaving my delicate feathers!**" Falco snorted.

"**Well that's too bad. I hear that Charizard finds feather-less birds attractive, especially hybrids like yourself and-"**

"**Fine! But I'm only doing this for Charizard so don't you THINK about recording me featherless**" Falco told.

"**I'm way ahead of you…**" Snake muttered, glancing over at Marth who had the VCR ready.

"**So, what else?**"

"**Then you place an apple in your mouth and cover your neck, arms and legs with gravy; wear pants only,**" Snake paused, thinking what else to add then proceeded. "**Then say 'I'm edible, I'm slippery and boy I look so good!' to her and boy she'll swoon for you! Oh, and do it outside Smash Mansion**"

After the advice was told Falco stared sceptically and rationally at the phone then yelled.

"**HOW THE HECK DO WOMEN FIND THIS HOT? FIRST, I THINK I'D BE BETTER WITH FEATHERS AND SECOND, WHY DO I NEED TO SING?" **

"**Who knows more about women?**" Snake questioned.

Falco stopped his rant then muttered. "**You…**"

"**Who's experienced more women than you?**"

"**Uh, Ike I guess…**" Falco shrugged.

"**No, me! Who also is the hottest guy around?**"

"**Surprisingly many claim Crazy Hand is hot in the mansion and-" **

"**I AM, MORON! And seriously, people say Crazy Hand is the hottest in the mansion?**" Snake questioned.

"**Yeah, I heard from the girls that he's- why am I even talking about this? I have a date!**" Falco hung up.

Snake stared at the phone and placed it down, pondering about Crazy Hand being the hottest and where the heck Diddy was.

* * *

><p>Screams and cries were heard throughout the corridor of the mansion. Pikachu, being ever so curious, trotted over to the room where the screaming was. As Pikachu was about to touch the door with his nose, the door opened to reveal a featherless Falco with pants only. Pikachu stared in wonder and laughed hard, landing on the floor. Icy blue eyes glared at the laughing Pokémon.<p>

"Shut up Pikachu…" He warned.

But the mouse-like creature kept laughing which only agitated Falco more. Furiously, he picked up Pikachu and gave a mighty footy kick. Pikachu screamed as he smashed through a window with bystanders watching in amazement. With a satisfied snort, Falco stomped down the stairs like a giant, heading over to the kitchen, aware of the awkward stares. Once Falco was in the kitchen, Chef Koopa glanced up with a confused and flabbergasted face. Before he could open his mouth to say something Falco told.

"Give me some gravy and an apple or the Smashers will have stewed turtle!" He threatened.

With a yelp of fear, Chef Koopa dashed over to the pantry. After a few minutes of waiting, the Koopa came with a large bowl of gravy and a green apple. Falco snatched them and walked away. As he walked away, he could hear the hysteric laughter of Chef Koopa behind him…

* * *

><p>Roy crouched down near the plains of the Smash Mansion with a sombre look. Constantly he's been teased by everyone for being a transvestite who was in love with Diddy! This really made him furious of how everyone was bulling him; even Master Hand forced him into a Brawl looking like a princess! Since then, he's been near the plain, not too far from Smash Mansion, but far enough so no prying eyes or the infamous Mr. Paparazzi waltzed by. As he sat there he thought about how he was being picked on by the grown up, calling him weak and crap. This made him madder. A sudden click came in Roy as he stood up with a look of determination.<p>

'_That's it! I won't be bullied anymore! I'll show them how strong I am and how brave and manly I truly am an-is it me or is the ground shaking?_' Roy thought.

That was strange yet true. Below the transvestite, the ground shook like a tremor. A looming shadow cast over the boy. His head glanced up and he screamed like a girl…

* * *

><p>Charizard was annoyed. Or in other terms she was rather in a PMSing mood. It wasn't the fact that everyone apart from the other Pokémon and Samus thought she was a guy, but '<em>Barney the Dinosaur<em>' was officially cancelled! Jigglypuff, Pichu, Squirtle and Ivysaur chortled when they heard that the dragon Pokemon loved '_Barney the Dinosaur'. _

They were appreciated by being sold as slaves...

As Charizard pondered on her irritation she heard someone squawk out her name so lovingly and in ecstasy. Curious, she turned only to feel like she was in a dream. What she was staring out was a mouth-watering, featherless bird-hybrid with gravy melting down like honey and an apple in his mouth. Saliva dripped down at the mere sight of it! As Falco approached with a grin he sang.

"_**I'm edible, I'm slippery and boy I look so good!**_" He sang, even though he had an apple in his mouth.

Charizard chirped in delight like a bird and charged. Falco smiled, remembering those scenes in movies when two couples would ran on the field and embrace each other. This was a dream come true.

'_At last, I may have an awesome lover!_" He thought with a sly smile.

But his thoughts were cut like torn paper as Charizard tackled him hard to the ground like a rugby player. With a grunt, Falco was on the floor yelping as Charizard clawed at him and licking him at the arms. Jaws soon bit down on Falco's arm. Falco yelped and stared in horror.

'_Holy Lylat, she's a cannibal! And I'm the victim!_' Falco realized in great fear.

As he tried to get the mighty Pokémon off, both of them paused when they heard a girly scream from behind. Both glanced to see a screaming transvestite that could only be Roy running towards them. When Charizard got up, Falco scrambled to his feet and eyed like the falcon he was at the screaming transvestite. With a chortle Falco commented.

"Boy, you really are a girl, Roy!"

Roy glared for a second only to continue his screaming as he approached the two, and hid behind Falco.

"T-T-There's this giant… m-m-metal th-thing on the l-loose!" Roy shuttered like a freezing child.

Charizard raised an eyebrow. "_**Giant metal thing? What are you muttering about?**_" She questioned, glancing at the only being who could understand him, Falco.

Falco repeated Charizard's question to Roy who just shook his head and shrugged.

"I don't know what it is! I'm just a forsaken boy wearing a fricking dress and makeup!" Roy pestered.

"Why can't you just take off the dress and makeup?" Falco questioned.

Roy paused, his face becoming a Poker Face. That was a very good question; why didn't he just take off the dress? Was it that he really wanted to be a girl? No, that was just too disturbing to imagine. At least the RoyxMarth lot would be happy he guessed… Soon the 'booming' noise came, swaying the three Smashers around like rag the noise became more frantic until a massive shadow loomed over. Falco, Charizard and Roy stared up to see the hugest robot they've ever encountered.

This particular robot had no arms, but it had massive legs and weaponry attached at the top part of the machine; a Rail Gun and a 30mm Vulcan Cannon. Colour was rather dull and not creative. Roy resumed his girly screaming only to be slapped at the check by Falco who hissed 'will you just shut up you stupid transvestite?'. When the machine paused, the co-pit opened to reveal the Smasher that everyone was looking for, Diddy Kong. A sneer appeared on the chimp's peachy muzzle.

"You lot have witnessed my greatest creation, Metal Gear REX!" He laughed.

"Metal Gear REX? Technically, that isn't your creation. It was created by Liquid Snake-" Falco jested only to be interrupted.

"Shut your bananas!" Diddy yelled.

Roy squirmed at the comment, his face turning into a twisted look of disgust. "Do you realize how wrong that just sounded?"

"Stop mocking me!" Diddy growled furiously which made Roy cringe.

"Just stating…"

Charizard glared at the Kong with hate. "_**What are you planning with that machine, Diddy Kong?**_"

For a second Diddy seemed pleased with the answer, only for his face to morph into hate. "Simple… I want to destroy Solid Snake for what he has done to me!" He paused as he noticed the Smashers about to open their mouths only to continue. "Don't bother saving him! There is no way you can beat this mechanic baby! Snake shall bow before me!"

"Actually, we approve of this 'revenge' thing" Roy admitted.

Diddy stopped his hysteric laughter only to stare rationally at them. "WHAT?"

Roy nodded and frowned depressively. "Ever since I took his stupid advice, everyone's been teasing and insulting me for 'expressing my love' towards Peach!"

Falco also nodded in agreement. "Yeah; I was embarrassed and almost eaten alive by Charizard" He shuttered in fright and disgust at the thought.

Diddy tilted his head and stared at them sceptically. "So… You don't care if I go and destroy him?"

"Be our guest" Falco and Roy told simultaneously.

Diddy glanced at Charizard who just shrugged. "_Go ahead; I never really like that human anyway…"_

"Uh, I kind of expected a fight, but hey, thanks!" Diddy smiled.

After that was said, the Metal Gear REX stomped past them, heading towards the Smash Mansion. As the three regrouped, Roy thought of something interesting.

"You know guys… what would happen if we let Diddy destroy the Smash Mansion?"

Falco snorted. "I don't know; get expelled from ever entering the Smash Tournament"

"But we allowed him destroy the mansion…" Roy added.

"So what you're saying is-"

"Diddy will blame us for destroying the mansion" Roy finished.

"WHAT?" Falco and Charizard screamed.

"We have to go and beat him!" Roy declared.

Dumbfounded, all the three Smashers dashed towards the Smash Mansion…

* * *

><p>Snake was currently checking his webcam, speaking with his Horniness, King Boo of Playboo Mansion. The Boo giggled in delight.<p>

"Oh how I ever so thank you for giving me R.O.B! She's soooo gorgeous!" He examined.

Snake gave a low snort. Both he and King Boo have been business partners in the whole 'call me for women advice' thing, but now he couldn't shut up about his passion and lust towards R.O.B. For a second Snake felt sorry for the piece of scrap but he really didn't care.

"No problems King Boo," Snake smiled referring to Boo's real name. "Just give me a million dollars and we'll call it quits"

His Horniness scowled at the comment. "Hah! Don't think I owe you money David!"

"It was I who gave you R.O.B…" Snake told menacingly.

"But you demand too much! Surely we could 'reconsider' your offer!" King Boo protested.

"Fine; give me four of your finest women!" Snake declared.

King Boo muttered something then sighed. "Fine; four of my finest women I have!"

"Deal!" Snake smirked.

Before anyone could comment, even the poor Marth a large crash was heard. Snake turned to see something that he always has dreaded. Something that always bothered him. It was that his roof was broken… Oh and the Metal Gear REX too. Marth screamed and fainted at the mere sight of it. Solid Snake growled as he shut off his webcam then glared at the Metal Gear. Soon Diddy popped up with a hysteric laughter of evil. Snake's eyes widen in scandalize.

"Diddy!" He examined.

Diddy chuckled darkly like a villain and pointed to his chest. "Yes, it is I! The absolute Sylar!"

"Sorry…?" Snake questioned.

Diddy gulped then coughed. "Uh, I mean 'The absolute Diddy Kong', here to seek revenge!"

"On pretty boy over there?" Snake asked pointing over to Marth.

Face palming, Diddy replied madly. "No! Obviously you! Why would I go for that girly guy?"

Snake just snorted and gave a cocky grin. "You should know Diddy that I've fought against Metal Gear REX before and I plan to do so!"

Something just hit Diddy in his head that made him groan. Snake actually fought against this machine? It was like a revelation has occurred!

"Whatever! I'm way more skilled in this baby!" Diddy denied.

"Sure" Snake sarcastically said.

Suddenly, Diddy went back into the Metal Gear and he began his rampage. He destroyed all the posters of women in bikini, followed by the desks and 'Colour in Girls Appropriately' books. The clone yelped in absolute horror at the sight of it. Furiously, he got out his Rocket Launcher and fired at the machine. As the Nikita missile flew, the door opened to reveal the transvestite warrior, Roy.

"Snake we're here to help-" Roy began but was cut off when the missile slammed headfirst into the boy.

Roy screamed as he was flung across the room right onto the Rail Gun of REX, gripping tightly with all his girly life.

"Whoops, my bad" Snake chuckled nervously at the glaring transvestite.

After that, Falco and Charizard came in along with Donkey Kong at their side. Charizard decided that allying Donkey Kong against Diddy was a great idea, regardless of the mental trauma the Kong had with the Predator…

"Snake, we're here to help you, reluctantly…" Falco admitted.

"How sweat… By the way, how did your first Dinner with Charizard go?" Snake sneered.

Falco glared, but his gaze soon turned to the Metal Gear REX, who was constantly trying to get Roy off.

"How do we beat him?" Falco questioned.

"Just shoot" Snake replied.

"_**Shooting? How cliché…**_" Charizard muttered.

As they discussed plans like; how's life or did you watch '_Bob the Bully_' yesterday while poor Roy was screaming high pitched and clutching for his life. After that, they got bored of discussing how to fight Metal Gear REX so they sat on the floor, playing Poker, regardless of all the bricks and other items falling on them. When the Metal Gear destroyed most of the room, the machine pointed the Vulcan Cannon at Snake's only copy of a Playboy Magazine!

Snake gasped, stood up from the floor and pointed accusingly. "Don't you dare…!"

Diddy smirked within the co-pit. "Oh I shall!" He said, cocking the Vulcan Cannon.

This was it! This was the moment when Diddy would shatter Snake's spirit for good and achieve his revenge! No more cleaning, no more kissing transvestite and no more Snake! As he was about to rip the magazine, a loud bang, like a bullet shot came from the door. Falco yelped as Snake's newly installed steel door (due to people bashing him) impacted him. Everyone stared at the unusual, future-like glad dreadlock creature, an invisible glare planted on his abnormal face beneath the helmet.

Donkey Kong screamed chucked the cards away and smashed through the wall into Peach's Room! His landing was cushioned by bras and underwear due to him crashing headfirst into the drawer. When he shook his dizzy head he stared up to see Armageddon, or Peach specifically, looming over him like a mafia boss. Icy blue eyes lit in a fiery hate.

"GET OUT!" She screamed and got out her frying pan.

Screams, whimpers and yelps were heard across the room to where Peach was. Snake cringed when he heard blows from Peach towards Donkey.

'_Never interrupt a PMSing girl_' He mentally noted to himself.

His thoughts were cut when the Predator shoved Snake aside like a doll and stared up at the Metal Gear. Diddy clicked a button on the intercom and called.

"What do you want? This Playboy magazine?"

"_**You've interrupted my beauty sleep above the rooftops of this fabulous mansion!**_" Predator snorted.

This made the chimp feel awkward from the sudden outburst. He didn't recall seeing the creature. "Uh, sorry about that I guess…"

"_**Sorry? Sorry! Is that all you can say you insolent ape!**_" Predator yelled like a mother to her child, his sharp Wolverine-like talons sticking out.

Sweat appeared on Diddy's face, which he chuckled nervously. '_Why should I be nervous of him? I can easily take him!'_

"Look, I didn't see you, uh…" Diddy paused uncertain of the Predator's name.

"Tolly, I am Tolly P." Dubbed Tolly P. stated.

Laughs were soon heard from the bursting ape. Diddy was laughing his ass of at such a name for an alien. Tolly P? Seriously? Has the world gone bananas?

"What kind of name is Tolly P?" Diddy snorted his laughter.

This made Tolly beyond furious. Activating his stealth gear, the camouflaged alien snuck up at the Metal Gear REX. Diddy stopped laughing, glancing around to find the mysterious armour clad being. Before he knew it, two claws pierced through the co-pit like glass, startling Diddy. Again and again he heard smashes and clashes until he felt an unusual pressure swaying down like a cut bridge. Soon he realized that the Metal Gear REX was falling! Diddy yelped as the Metal Gear REX came tumbling down, impacting on the cold floor; within the computer circuits were buzzing and destroyed. The ape groaned from the pain in his head, only to be seized by the throat and taken out of the co-pit until he stared at the armour-clad alien. Tolly P. made a hiss, something like a sneer beneath the helmet.

"_**Get lost ape shit!" **_

Toll P. soon did a massive football kick, sending Diddy soaring through the broken ceiling. All that everyone could hear was 'Snake! I will have my revenge on yoooooou' and the screaming got less tense and quieter when Diddy disappeared. Tolly P. snorted then turned to see Charizard approach with a smile.

"_**You were unbelievably strong out there, Tolly P.**_" Charizard stated, baffling her eyelashes.

Tolly P. shone. "_**Thank you gorgeous…"**_

"_**Charizard. But you can call me Claire…**_" Dubbed Claire greeted.

Soon both newfound lovers linked arms like in the '_Wizard of Oz' _and skipped playfully out of Snake's destroyed room. Roy was shaking in fear, Marth was still unconscious, Donkey Kong was still suffering torture in the hands of Peach and Falco who was just still as a statue due to the concussion of the door. Sighing in relief, Snake sat down on his chair.

'_What a day it's been…_" He thought.

Suddenly, his computer flashed King Boo, who grinned.

"Hey David! I brought my four best girls!" He told.

Beaming up, Snake turned to his computer like a happy puppy and said with a smile. "Where?"

Behind Snake he could see four Boo's wearing bows on their heads and bikini too approaching Snake, giggling cheerfully and seductively. The clone's mouth was gaped like a fish in absolute shock. King Boo chortled.

"You didn't exactly say 'my four best human women'!" He explained in a sing-a-long voice.

Donkey Kong's screaming wasn't compared to the screaming of a disturbed and annoyed Snake…

* * *

><p>Author's Note: Sorry about the long update; I've been very busy and time goes fast, not to mention this was the longest chapter in 'Dial Snake for Women Advice'! Anyway, we shall experience (I won't say which chapter) that Diddy will apply his next revenge or if Tolly P. shall make an appearance again :D. Stay tune and suggest more couples!<p>

P.S: I don't own _Predator _or _Heroes_ :). 


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